Where Do We Find Joy?

Does joy seem elusive to you sometimes? I know it has for me.

I remember 4 years ago when I realized that I had been pushing my way through life, checking off the boxes, moving from one achievement to the next hoping that all I wanted to feel, including joy, would show up with the next “success”. If only I could cross that elusive finish line…

Ya, there is no finish line to cross. It was definitely “I’ll be happy when…” syndrome.

What I realize now is that joy was always available to me but because I was living up in my head, trying to figure everything out and get it right, I was disconnected from my body and my emotions.

And when someone is in their head a lot, they are typically trying to avoid hurts from the past or worrying about the future.

Joy does not live in your head. It lives in your body.

So how the heck do we access that joy?

One way is presence, being in the present moment. You can use your 5 senses to help you be aware of where you are at right now.

What are you hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling and feeling? Becoming aware of these senses helps you be in your body, in a feeling state vs thinking and it brings you to this moment now.

When I was in my hyper-doing state, I was oblivious to how my body was feeling because I was so up in my head.

To be clear, I am not advocating that we don’t do anything. What I am supporting is taking some time to check in with yourself throughout the day. Where are you at? How are you feeling? Are you running on autopilot or are you present? How are you being as you are doing?

When I began disentangling myself from my proactive pattern of serial achieving and doing doing doing, I was advised to do what I love, do what makes me feel good.

I didn’t have a flipping clue!!!! What do you mean what feels good, what brings me joy? What do I love other than people and helping them????? Seriously. It was a tough question for me to answer. I had spent so much time working at being “better” that I had lost touch with what brought me joy.

And I know I’m not alone as a lot of my clients also struggle with this.

Joy does not exist in our protective patterns. It is experienced through being the truth of who we are instead of who we believe we need to be in order to stay safe, accepted, wanted and loved.

Our brains are also wired to take in the negative more than the positive as a form of safety. Dr. Rick Hanson, a psychologist, says in his book, Hardwiring Happiness, that the brain is like velcro to negative thoughts and is like teflon to positive ones, slips right off.

And we’ve all experienced when we can be given 9 positive accolades but it’s the one negative criticism that we hold onto.

Well shit! Are we doomed then?

Nope. There’s this thing called neuroplasticity where we can change our brains, rewire them.

One of the ways he suggested is that when a positive experience is occurring, take at least 20 seconds to really take it in, to really feel it. The more often we do this, the more the brain will rewire and our focus will be more on looking for the positive.

This relates to being in the present moment. When you are taking a shower, are you rushing through it or are you present to the water falling on your skin, the feel of your fingers massaging your scalp, the scent of the soap and shampoo?

When you are eating a meal, are you present to the taste and texture of the food or are you wolfing down on the run trying to get to the next activity?

When you are having a conversation with a loved one, are your present with them, wanting to receive and understand what they are saying or are you up in your head trying to figure out what to make for dinner?

When you are walking in the woods, are you allowing yourself to be activated by the trees, feeling the peace and the aliveness in your cells and taking that into the rest of your day or are you focused on getting your walk in quickly and then going right back to the chaos that you were trying to take a break from?

The joy resides in these little moments of presence, of being in our bodies and feeling the gifts that our senses give to us.

It is such a great place to start. And then from there, we can go beyond our human senses and connect with the divine energy of GUS (God/Universe/Source) that is in us, all around us, that is us. That bring me so much joy and is part of my daily practice. But that is for another day…

On a walk with my hubby, Tom, this past weekend, I was sharing with him a question that I was curious about because I wanted to hear his opinion.

The question was “how do I stop the pattern of trying to control and push and try to get somewhere and what do I do instead?”

In all his wisdom (Yes my hubby is a very wise man!), he said “Enjoy the moment and if you aren’t enjoying it, find a way to”.

And to take it a step further for me, it is to stop being in my head trying to figure shit out, drop down into my body, be in my heart, be in the present moment and allow myself to be given to.

It is there that I find my friend Joy.

Much love,

Glenda

The Perfect Storm of Burnout

Do you go nutso with making changes once the new year hits? I did and it resulted in, well…the perfect storm of burnout! So I have spent the past couple of months in recovery mode.

In the video, discover some forms of stress you may not have considered, what led to my burnout, what I have learned and how I am recovering. Knowing different forms of stress can help you avoid experiencing burnout and help you feel how you want to feel instead.

Much love,

Glenda

My Soul’s Asking Through My Body

This is a picture of me 3 yrs ago taken by Jennifer Hough near Mt Tremblant, Quebec.

We were on one of our retreats that was a part of a year long program called Flight School with Jen and The Wide Awakening crew.

This was a very poignant time in my life. So many awarenesses came to me. I still look back at my journal notes from that retreat and remember all the little gems.

It was the place and time where I realized the gift that I am. I can really see it in others but couldn’t see it in myself. It took 13 soul family members sitting around a table, relentlessly drilling into to me. Yep, I am that stubborn. But I finally got it and am so grateful for that.

It was also the time where I received the news of my 4th and 5th melanoma diagnosis. Not great news but it was a part of my next realization which was huge.

With the help of Jen and my soul family, I realized that I had been surviving my life and not doing a great job at it. My striving and pushing my way through life, trying to prove myself and constantly be more, had taken a toll on my health and well being.

My body had been telling me all along that I was stressed and living out of alignment but I wasn’t able to listen because I thought that how I felt was “normal”. That’s how sneaky chronic stress is.

In addition to the melanomas, I now had adrenal fatigue. This was a turning point in my life because I had the deep knowing that if I didn’t stop surviving my life, I was on my way to leaving this planet too soon.

So began my journey of disentangling from the patterns of “gotta get it right”, trying to prove myself, people pleasing and putting everyone else first and myself last.

And this journey is far from being a straight line. I’m in survival mode, I’m out of survival mode. I’m engaging in the patterns, I’m not engaging in the patterns. But I’m not engaging in my patterns and surviving as much as I used to. And when I do engage in a pattern, I don’t stay there as long. My body won’t let me.

Each time I engage in one of my protective patterns, I learn something more. I learn more about myself and am able to help others at a deeper level.

So I find myself back in fried adrenal land. It truly feels like shit and holy cow, the self judgement and shame came out in full force. “Not again!!!!!” And yep, I engaged with it and cried for a full day.

Now I can see that it isn’t the same thing again. This time is different. I am not the same person I was 3 yrs ago. I know how I ended up in this state and what to do. And I just know that I will learn even more and have more awarenesses come my way. I already have.

I am being asked to let go of what I think I should do and how I have done things up until this point, to not knowing and not having the answers and allowing myself to dance with the universe instead of trying to lead all the time. Tuning into my intuition at an even deeper level is presenting for me instead of trying to figure everything out. It’s not easy and a little bit scary but I am willing.

It is also a beautiful opportunity for me to love myself even more. After dropping the initial self judgement, I am in a tender place of acceptance and love. I am full circling the retreat 3 yrs ago as I remember the gift that I am in my beingness, not in my doing.

This journey is so not a straight path. We move forward, we fall down, we get back up again and so it continues. And each time we fall down, we learn and we grow and we come home to ourselves even more.

Everything is for us and this is for me too, even though I don’t like it, especially because I don’t like it. 😊💖

Much love,

Glenda

An Important Part of Connecting…

Communication is so important in relationships. When relationships break up or don’t go well, it is often due to a communication breakdown.

We communicate in many different ways but today I am going to talk about verbal communication.

Verbal communication involves speaking and listening. We hear a lot about being honest, speaking your truth and fully expressing yourself and I agree 100%.

What we don’t hear as much about is listening.

The first concept about listening that really changed listening for me is “listen with the intent to understand instead of trying to be understood”.

Listen like you really want to get what the other person is experiencing. Really be curious and interested in understanding them at a deeper level.

It really is about receiving another person. Give them the gift of being heard and wanting to understand them. We all want to be seen and heard.

And while I don’t believe we can completely understand another person and their experience because we aren’t them, we can listen to try and understand the best that we can. Just the intention of doing so is a big gift.

To be clear, this isn’t about agreeing with someone. It is about trying to see another’s perspective.

Instead, what we tend to do is while someone is speaking, we think about what we are going to say in response. We think “what is the right thing to say? Do I have an answer?”

This takes us away from truly listening. It diverts our attention to thinking about a response instead of receiving the other person.

Another thing we tend to do is get caught up in being understood and getting our point across so we often interrupt them.

I am fortunate (although it doesn’t feel like it at times:)) to live with a husband and 2 daughters who are my biggest teachers.

If my daughter is talking and I can see that she is getting more and more worked up, I interrupt her in attempts to avoid a melt down. This is all about my own self-preservation because I don’t want to have to deal with the melt down.

As soon as I interrupt her, she says “Mom, I am not finished. You are not listening to me!!!!”

Yep, she is right. I am not listening to her, just trying to avoid being with her heightened emotions.

Years ago at a WarriorSage Illumination Intensive Retreat, I learned a process that has been so helpful in deepening my listening skills. It is called a dyad.

A dyad is a communication between 2 people. One person is speaking and the other is listening. It isn’t a conversation. The listening partner only says “thank you”. There are other guidelines as well but that is the simplification of it.

I love this process because when I am speaking, I know I am not going to receive advice or the opinion of my partner. It is an opportunity for me to speak my truth and be heard. I also love being the listening partner because my only focus is to listen to and receive my partner and say thank you.

You can arrange this with someone in your life as an actual process or just begin to listen and have your only response be “thank you” unless you are asked for your perspective.

I invite you to give it a try and see what you think.

The second concept that was a game changer for me in the realm of listening is also from an Illumination Intensive.

We were having lunch and we were asked to only speak about ourselves and our process. A staff member sat at each table.

What the staff member said has stuck with me ever since. He said “since we are all from God/Universe/Source (GUS) and of GUS, then anyone speaking to you is GUS speaking to you”.

For the rest of the retreat, I listened differently. Instead of being caught up in my own stuff, I listened as if I was being given a message. I was fully present and receiving the person sitting across from me.

In doing so, I received so many gems of wisdom. Since everything is for me (and you), then everyone I meet and what they say to me is for me in some way. If I am not present and truly listening, I will miss out.

By being really present and listening with the intent to understand, we are giving the gift of receiving someone and in that receiving, we are being given to at the same time. It’s a beautiful full circle.

Are you listening well?

Much love,

Glenda

Navigating Relationships with Family Members

For some people, relationships with family members can be triggering and not so enjoyable.

This is partly due to core wounding experiences we had as children and partly due to the protective patterns we have adopted in attempts to stay safe and loved.

This video will discuss these points in more depth and what to do to navigate these relationships with more ease and enjoyment.

Much love,

Glenda

My Word for 2019…It’s an Unusual One

Every January, I like to choose a word or a theme for the upcoming year. Sometimes the word comes to me right away and sometimes it takes some contemplation. I have even changed it a few times and allowed my journey forward to choose it for me.

This year, my word is soften. It’s not a commonly chosen word like abundance, love, success etc. but it means a lot to me.

I chose soften because it is what I desire to do more of and it acts as a reminder.

When I am in survival mode, engaging in my protective mechanisms trying to stay safe and not get hurt, it is like I put protective armour on and there is a rigidity to me.

It shows up in my body as tension in my muscles (and pain) and in my mind as seriousness and rigidity in my thinking (tunnel vision). I am in fear and fight or flight.

Soften reminds me to shift from survival mode into thriving.

It reminds me to breathe.

It reminds me to drop out of my head and into my heart.

It reminds me to let go of the seriousness and to enjoy myself and play instead.

It reminds me to accept what is and allow myself to be given to.

One of the things people often don’t realize is that when you pick a word, not only will you be shown where you are that or you have that, you will also be shown where you are not being that.

In my case, I will be shown the places where I am softening and allowing myself to soften AND I will also be shown the places I am being asked to soften more.

A few years ago, I picked the word “flow”. When I got to the end of the year, I said “What the hell? That was so NOT a year of flow!”

And then I realized that I was being shown where I was not in flow and was being asked to choose differently in order for more flow to be present. (There were also experiences of beautiful flow as well but I had forgotten as all I could see was the apparent lack of flow!)

So do be careful with what you ask for because you will be given it!

We are not even 2 weeks into the year and I have already been shown where I was being rigid and softening was being asked of me. I got the memo pretty quickly so I didn’t stay in suckville very long and I am very grateful for the wisdom I gained by asking my higher levels and the universe for help, by slowing down and paying attention to what showed up and then for taking the steps that helped me soften.

It was proof that we are constantly being supported and we just need to be aware and ask for help.

I invite you to contemplate what you desire more of in choosing your word for this year, realizing that you may be asked to make changes in order to receive it.

Much love,

Glenda

December – a Month of Completing Cycles

I held my monthly activation circle this morning. Starting a few days before each circle, the energies begin to gather and move and I feel the effects of them.

Yesterday, I began feeling very vulnerable and shed some tears as the energies moved through me. I knew this circle was going to be about completing cycles before the end of 2018 and my body and heart were beginning to release what isn’t in alignment. It wasn’t just this circle that was affecting me energetically. It was the fact that we are about to be complete with this year as we move into 2019.

December in general is a month of endings, not of creating new so trying to begin a new cycle in December goes against the universal flow of energy and will be met with some resistance.

I love new beginnings but will admit I have a harder time with completions of cycles. Because of that, I have a tendency to jump into the new without fully completing the old cycles because they have lost their sparkle. Who wants to stick around with the old of 2018 when the shiny newness of 2019 is waiting to begin?

The problem with not completing cycles though, is that we will take with us what isn’t completed into the new cycle. It’s like we carry the baggage of what has been left undone and that muddies and dilutes the energy we bring to our new endeavours.

So as much as I prefer not to, I am in contemplation mode of what is yet to be completed. What has been left unsaid? What has been left undone? Where is there dissonance or discord? What feels out of alignment for me?

A clue to what these uncompleted things may be is that they have likely been in your face this past month of December. That’s what tends to happen as we approach the ending of a year. We are literally being assisted by the universe in seeing what has not been finished, forgiven, let go of, shifted and transmuted. It knows these things that are not aligned with the trajectory we are on based on what we asked for and it is assisting us by showing us, in a not so subtle way, what still needs to be addressed.

It is the time, as uncomfortable is it may be, to make the changes that will bring your life into more alignment. So I invite you to take a moment to relax and sit and look at what is being asked for you to become aware of and is acting as a catalyst for change. What has been up for you this past year? What pattern, limiting belief, stuck emotion, perspective, protective habits, inauthentic ways of being have been coming into your awareness and are up to leave? Ask what steps need to be taken in order for the change to occur. The key is to act on these steps as inaction will just cause more dis-ease in your system. So even though looking at this stuff isn’t always comfortable, it will become even more uncomfortable to not look at it and carry the heaviness with you into 2019.

Then we can move forward into 2019 with more of the fullness of who we are, more from our Souls’ Essence instead of what isn’t us. And that is when magic happens!

Happy New Year! Happy 2019! May it be the year you embrace your essence, live your truth and love your life!!!!!!

Much love,

Glenda

The Most Important Relationship There Is…

I was inspired to create a video series on a topic that comes up with just about every client – relationships.

This first video will address what I believe is the most important relationship there is… with yourself.

Why do I believe it is the most important relationship? It’s because the common denominator in every relationship you have, be it with family members, friends, colleagues, or clients, is you.

So if you desire to improve your relationships with people in your life, it’s important that you start with yourself.

Watch below to learn more about this top priority relationship.

Be sure to join me for the next video where I will be discussing relationships with family members – parents, siblings, children etc. You can sign up for my newsletter and/or subscribe to my YouTube channel by clicking here.

Much love,

Glenda

My Birthday Wish…

Photo by Nicole Constante

Saturday was my 49th birthday. As I embark on this 50th year of living this lifetime in this body, I decided to pull an oracle card because that’s how I roll.

Quan Yin is one of my gals so I turned to her for some guidance with my Kuan Yin Oracle cards by Alana Fairchild. I asked for the message that will inspire me forward this year, the message that I can return to over and over again when I can’t see the sun for the clouds.

I pulled the Ivory Swan Goddess card.

This is her message:

“The Ivory Swan Goddess speaks of spiritual grace and purity. The purity of your Soul light never fades, beloved. Release guilt, shame, judgement or fear that you are not enough in any way, so that you may realize your beauty, be more of yourself and shine your divine essence into the world.”

And because we are all microcosms of the macrocosm living in a fractal universe, this message is for you as well.

This resonated deeply with me especially in relation to my last post when I wrote about shame.

The timing is also perfect as we stepped through the 11:11:11 portal on Nov.11, 2018. This portal is one of shedding the shame, the condemnation, the self-criticism and judgement, our egoic patterns of protection and allowing ourselves to open to receive the love, grace and abundance that we desire and is our natural birthright. It is a time to step out of the illusion of who we thought we were and come home to the truth of who we are.

The message continues…”No matter what has happened in your life, or what experiences or choices you have made, your Soul light is as pure as the divine source itself, because essentially that is what it is! There is no need for spiritual shame or inadequacy. The light within all of us is exactly the same. We are just in different stages of realizing it.”

We can choose what we focus on, where we source from. We can choose to let love make our choices for us or to let fear by the driving force.

For me, this message is a reminder to not only accept and love the truth of who I am, my divine light, but to honour and revere it, to treat it as sacred.

It is remembering that the sun is always there, even when it is covered by the clouds and we can’t see or feel it.

It is remembering that no matter what struggle or suffering we may be experiencing, our soul, our divine light is ever present and we can source from it in every moment.

So my birthday wish for everyone, myself included, is that we believe in the purity and beauty of the truth of who we are instead of the illusion of not-enoughness and unworthiness. It is time to revere the divine energy within us with unconditional love and self-acceptance. And it’s time to see it in each other.

Let’s let love win and shift the planet while we’re at it!

Much love,

Glenda 💖

The way to more joy…

Shame. It’s pervasive. It’s in the collective and is coming up to leave.

I’ve been dancing with this emotion myself the last couple of weeks.

Shame is not something people like to talk about. Why? Because it is uncomfortable and doesn’t feel good.

We’ve all had moments when we’ve felt shame and we do our darndest not to be with it.

Shame is the densest, lowest vibrational frequency emotion there is. Carrying shame within us gets in the way of us being able to feel joy to the extent that we are capable of.

While guilt is about “I did something bad”, shame is “I am bad”. It is very linked to believing that you aren’t enough, that something is inherently wrong with you.

We have all been shamed and we have been the ones doing the shaming. It is a learned behaviour, one that we learned as kids.

Parents, teachers, employers etc. have used shaming for years as a way to get someone to behave the way they want them to. We do it unconsciously. It is what we have learned. It is an egoic protective mechanism to keep us feeling in control and safe.

Talking about and shining a light on shame brings it into our awareness so that we have choice. We have choice about what we do when we feel shame.

Last week, shame was surfacing for me big time. There were places I knew I was carrying shame and places that I had no idea shame existed.

It was coming up to leave. I let myself be with it, let myself feel it, as uncomfortable as it was.

And instead of letting that emotion take me out, believing that there was something wrong with me, I forgave myself each time it surfaced and loved myself instead.

I loved myself at all ages from being a little girl up to now. All those times I blamed myself for not “getting it right”. All those times I blamed or shamed someone else. I forgave it all and felt love and compassion for myself. Instead of believing that there is something wrong with me, I remembered the truth that I am a whole and complete being. We all are.

I have come out the other side and I feel different. I feel lighter and that voice that beats myself up is not speaking right now.

There is no need to shame anyone, ever. It is time that we un-learn shaming and replace it with letting love win instead.

It is time. New, higher vibrational frequencies are coming through to this planet right now. We are being upgraded which means that the low vibrational emotions that we are carrying are coming into our awareness, hence the shame surfacing.

If we allow ourselves to feel them, let them move through us and don’t engage with them, they will leave us, expanding our capacity to be with more of the higher frequency emotions such as joy, love and gratitude.

Let’s bring shame into our awareness so we can choose love instead. It is the way forward for humanity. Our children deserve that. We all do. ❤

Much love,

Glenda