The Comparison Game

Do you catch yourself comparing yourself to others? I know that I do at times. It really is a crazy thing to do because it is like comparing apples to oranges. We may think that we are in the same boat as other people if we are comparing external circumstances but on the inside, we are often very different. From the outside, we may appear to be the same because as humans, we are very good at covering up what is really going on inside of us. We are great at putting on masks and we are great at putting on the show that everything is hunky dory. What makes us all different is what goes on inside of us. That includes every life experience we’ve had, every thought we’ve had and every emotion we’ve felt. Although there is a oneness that connects all of us in terms of where we’ve come from and what we are all a part of, there is also a uniqueness to the essence of each of our souls.
When we compare ourselves, we are judging ourselves based on whether we measure up in our minds. There are no good feelings that come as a result of doing that. Either we feel badly because we don’t feel that we are good enough compared to others or comparing ourselves to others gives us a false sense of being better. It gives us a false sense of power when we think we are better than someone else. But this isn’t true power because it doesn’t come from within us where our own truth lives. What makes comparing ourselves to others so crazy is that we are comparing ourselves to something that we don’t even know is true. We don’t know what is going on inside another person. We are comparing and judging ourselves and others based on what we see and what is being presented to us which is not necessarily the truth.
Michael O’Neill gave this amazing description of what really happens. At the core of each of us is our essence and you can think of that as being a diamond that shines brilliantly and has done since day one. Then all the thoughts, feelings and life experiences we have ever had all get thrown over top of this diamond and obscure it. He refers to this as our shit covering the diamond underneath. Then, what we do as humans, is try to cover this horse shit with pretty nail polish. We try to prettify and make everything look like it is perfect and ok and we are awesome. Here in lies the problem. What if someone is liking me for my nail polish? What if someone falls in love with my nail polish instead of the real me? Then I have to constantly cover up my shit with nail polish. And what if I miss a day of nail polish? Then they will see my shit and might not like me anymore. Makes me tired just thinking about it. What we see of another person may be their nail polish or their horse shit. It may not be their true essence. So comparing ourselves to other’s nail polish and shit really makes no sense at all.
We also have expectations and ideas of how life should be. We have opinions about where we should be at and how far along we should be. This really causes a lot of grief and struggle. What if we don’t measure up? We then beat ourselves up and judge ourselves for not being where we think we should be. Where did these standards and expectations come from? Are they really ours or have we taken them on subconsciously as beliefs that then run our lives? We try to live our lives based on these external beliefs and rules instead of living from our own truth inside of us, instead of living from our essence.
What if we allowed ourselves to be guided through life instead? That doesn’t mean sitting on our duffs doing nothing. It means allowing our actions that we take to be guided from within us. It means taking action on great ideas that we create ourselves instead of living a life based on great ideas that other people have had. Great ideas and insights that other people have had are meant to be guidelines for us. We are not meant to be rigidly living our lives according to insights from other people. We can take from them what is true for us and add our special sauce. We can create our own recipes for life. This requires us to go inward to have our own insights, to connect with our essence and create from that place. I used to constantly look outside of myself for answers about how I should live my life. I am not here to live another person’s life. Someone else has that covered. I am meant to live my life, a life that I create. So judging and comparing myself to other people and how they are living their lives is really ridiculous. It serves no other purpose than to make me feel bad about myself and to keep me small. We are here to share our own unique gifts in our own unique way and that looks different for each person. The life we want to live, that we are meant to live, is right in front of us. It is here right now. We just have to open up and allow it in instead of trying to force and control our way through life.
My invitation to you, should you choose to accept it, is to ask yourself where in your life are you comparing yourself to other people? How does it make you feel? Is it giving you a false sense of worth or an excuse to hide out and stay small? Are you ready to drop the comparison and game and start consciously creating and living your own beautiful life?
As always, much love,

The Stress-free Zombie

A few weeks back, I went through a series of nights where I had very little sleep. My kids and hubby were sick and between nightmares, peeing the bed (not me), coughing fits and having to be up at 5:30, I became super fatigued.

I was driving home from an appointment after 3 nights of this when I suddenly realized that I hadn’t felt the stress response in my body that week. This is how the stress response presents in me: pain and tightness across my mid back, tight and sore neck, tension headache, feeling anxious and feeling like I can’t take a deep breath. Because my central nervous system is sensitized, it doesn’t take much of a stimulus to elicit the stress response in my body so I feel it quite often. Going 3 days without it was a big deal.

I began wondering why I hadn’t felt it for a while and I realized that I was just too tired to be stressed! I literally didn’t have enough energy left to worry or stress about anything. I was rolling with the punches because that is really all I could do. I was letting go of all the little things because I had no energy to address them. Then it hit me how much energy I give up by being in a stressed state. What a waste! Just think about what I could do if I redirected that energy into being creative instead of being stressed.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not advocating being sleep-deprived so you can feel less stressed. In the long run, it is not very healthy. The invitation for me is this; how can I feel less stressed without being a zombie?

I am working on desensitizing my nervous system so that the stress response isn’t triggered so easily. I also started doing yoga again more regularly because I know that I felt calmer and more relaxed in my body after my own 30 day yoga challenge that I did a few months back. I am meditating regularly and connecting with my essence as that is the most peaceful state for me. I am looking at my schedule and simplifying it down to the necessities. Back when I  became a mother of two with a toddler and a newborn, the question that really helped me was “Is anyone going to die if I don’t get this done?”. It may sound a little drastic but it really helps give me perspective. I am also voicing all the things that piss me off and make me want to scream before they get to the boiling point where I erupt and spew all over the people around me. And probably the most important thing for me is to be gentle and compassionate with myself. Because our thoughts create our reality, me being judgemental and hard on myself never helps my situation. This experience is yet another reminder for me to practice self-love and acceptance.

Here is my invitation to you should you accept it. Where in your life can you reduce your stress? Is it doing less and being more? Is it shifting your perspective? Is it simplifying? Is it being kinder to yourself? We have the ability to live with less stress in our lives. Are you ready to feel better? I know I am.

Much love,


To Push or Be Led?

After a well needed holiday this summer, I am back writing my blog. I will tell you that it has not been easy. I made a commitment to myself that I would write a blog post every 2 weeks so not writing has been nagging at me. I absolutely love writing when I am inspired to write about a topic. When I am not inspired, like now, it is not much fun for me. So I made the commitment to write but also made the commitment to have a business that I love and to act from inspiration instead of pushing. This is my quandary. I decided to write about it today as I don’t think I am alone in this situation.

I get that there are parts of a job or a business that we don’t like to do but must do. Hopefully those parts are a minority of the work load rather than the majority or why the heck are we doing it? When it comes to writing my blog though, just doing it for the sake of doing it is not how I want to write. If I am not enthusiastic about it and it doesn’t have a lot of meaning that serves anyone, then what is the point? When I decided to embark on my coaching practice, I promised myself that I wouldn’t push anymore like I have done in the past. I wouldn’t try to control every little thing and I wouldn’t stress about it. I would run my business from a place of integrity, inspiration and service. I would check in with my inner guidance regularly instead of adhering to what the gurus of the coaching world tell me that I should be doing or not doing. No, I don’t want to re-invent the wheel and there is a lot of wisdom that has been imparted to me by others but I don’t feel I am here to carry out other people’s visions and dreams. I am here to express the essence of my soul’s desire, my unique vision and purpose.

So what to do when I am not receiving much direction from my inner guidance? In the past, and even now at times, my tendency is to push and make something happen outside of me, to accomplish something to make myself feel better. Instead of being quiet and still and reflecting and inquiring, I tend to push to create which feels really yucky. Now that I understand the ebb and flow of life better, the transition between reflection and creation, I am allowing myself to be led instead of pushing. Being still and being led by my soul is not easy for me. I can hear some of you perhaps saying that this is a cop out and I am hiding out. I completely get it as my ego is telling me that all the time. What I do know is that the times I have stopped moving forward and was still instead, have always served me deeply. It just feels right to me at my core, despite my head saying it is wrong. This is not about giving myself permission to do nothing. I am still doing the work of going inward regularly, re-energizing and inquiring about my next inspired step as I continue to coach my clients with my full presence.

My new commitment to myself is to be soul-led in my writing and if I’m not receiving anything at the time, I won’t push myself to write just because. My intention is to write every 2 weeks but we will see what my essence has in mind for me. I will learn something about myself regardless of the outcome so in the end, it will all work out.

Here is my invitation to you, should you chose to accept it. Where in your life are you pushing? If you want to go even deeper, why are you pushing? What pattern have you taken on in your life that has you pushing? Did you grow up thinking that you had to push, achieve or strive to be good enough? There are hidden gems for you there if you choose to look. If pushing is feeling exhausting, draining and icky, take a break from it and see what happens. It could be the very thing you need right now.

Much love,




3 Ways to Increase Your Creativity

I used to think I wasn’t a very creative person. For some reason, I thought creative and artistic were one and the same and I didn’t think of myself as an artistic person. Now I realize that being artistic is being creative but you can be creative without being artistic. I guess it just depends on what your definition of artistic is. We all have the ability to be creative. Expressing our creativity is part of why we are all here. How we express our creativity is unique to each of us just as our essence is unique to us.

One can be creative through art, music, words, ideas etc. I love to create through words and ideas. That is my form of creativity. Regardless of how each of us expresses our creativity, the best place to create from is when we are in connection with our essence energy. This is where we are in flow and it is much easier to create from essence than it is when we are stuck up in our heads.

I had every intention of writing this blog post yesterday evening so that it would be ready for today. I was in a very grumpy and crummy mood though and I knew it was not the energy I wanted to create from. Instead of trying to push through and force myself to write, which I really detest doing, I decided to let go of my deadline and allow myself to be late. I knew that my grumpy mood was temporary. I must admit, I didn’t make much of an effort to try and change my grumpy mood. It may have worked but I chose not to and to just be grumpy instead. I started my day today on a different note and took steps to connect with my essence and creativity so that writing would be easier. Here are some tips to tapping into your creative energy:

1. Get out into nature. Go hug a tree, literally! Being in nature allows us to connect with earth energy and to feel more grounded. I’ve mentioned this before but walking in the ravine is one of my favourite things to do. It is when I receive my “intuitive downloads” the most. I have also heard artists be inspired by the beauty of nature, that it touches their hearts and souls. It has a calming effect on me and I can hear my inner wisdom much better.

2. Move your body. This helps me get out of my head and move energy through my body. Walking in the ravine or cross-country skiing on the trails combines being in nature with moving my body so it is a win-win. Sometimes I like to dance and just follow how my body wants to move rather than planning any dance moves. If I feel stuck trying to create something, I just get up and walk and dance around for a few minutes and then sit back down with different energy.

3. Meditate or have some quiet time. As you know by now, I am a huge fan of meditating. When I am about to create something, I do a specific meditation for connecting with my essence energy so I can create from that place. Being fully present, grounded and connected are key for me in the creative process. Meditation helps me get there.

There are other methods that can help you connect as well such as prayer, listening to music, being with animals, and decreasing sugar, caffeine and alcohol intake. The next time you are feeling stuck while working on a project, give some of these tips a try and get your creative juices flowing.

Much love,


What lens are you viewing life through?

I went for a walk in the ravine the other day. Usually, I like to do a loop but I didn’t have as much time that day so I decided to do an out and back walk. I like doing a loop so that I am not covering the same terrain and seeing the same things. Once I had turned around and was heading back on the same trail, what hit me was that even though I was walking on the same trail, I had a different vantage point, a different perspective on what was around me. I saw things that I didn’t see on the way out. I then started to play with where I was putting my focus. Most of the time, I am looking straight ahead down the trail. So I began looking to the right and after a while, I looked to the left. Then I looked up and then I walked backwards looking behind me. It was quite a cool experience because I saw things that I had never seen before even though I have walked that path many times before. It is amazing what is all around us that we don’t see.

The experience was a metaphor for what happens for us in life. We have an experience and then when we have an opportunity to have a similar experience again, we tend to bring our past into the present by placing our expectations and assumptions on how the next experience is going to go based on how it went in the past. We expect it to be the same. Instead, we can open ourselves up to the possibility that it could be very different. What makes it different is the perspective we take, the lens through we which we view the experience. Having awareness in the moment can help us choose which perspective we take.

I have been experimenting with being with my emotions lately. What I mean by that is instead of reacting to my emotions, I am just observing them, allowing them to be without trying to fix them or change them in any way. I was triggered the other day by the behaviour of one of my girls. I felt myself getting angry and preparing to react to her behaviour. Because I had awareness in the moment that I was being triggered, I was able to pause, take some breaths and ground myself. I could then choose my response from a more centred place instead of the tsunami I was about to unleash on my poor child. Don’t get me wrong, I was still feeling angry inside. I just wasn’t taking it out on her. I realized that somewhere deep inside me was being triggered and it wasn’t her that I was angry at all. I was then able to just be with this anger until it subsided without having to do anything about it. I learned that I was attaching the belief that I wasn’t good enough to her not listening to me. It was all my shit and not hers. I was able to have a different perspective in that moment because I was aware I was being triggered. I had choice about how I responded instead of blindly reacting. Now this does not happen all the time. I am not aware moment to moment of when I am triggered so I still have not so stellar parenting moments but I am celebrating that it was one parenting moment that came from a conscious place instead of my subconscious mind reacting. The people who trigger us in our lives can be great teachers for us if we let them be. They help bring our unconscious stuff out into the open so that we can see it and release the grip it has on us.

It really bugs me that society in general views being sad as bad. Being mad is bad. We shouldn’t feel these emotions because they are bad and we need to do something to change it. I was feeling sad after my mom died and someone suggested I take some anti-depressants (to fix it). What the hell is wrong with being sad after your mom dies? It’s kind of a natural emotion to feel don’t you think? I knew that wasn’t the answer for me because I knew that it would change at some point in time and that it was temporary. Being uncomfortable is OK. It doesn’t mean I am in danger. I didn’t need to fix it, squash it, bury it or fight it. I just needed to allow it to be. I was still functioning well. I didn’t need to drink the sadness away, drug it away, eat it away, exercise it away or beat myself up for feeling that way. I was sad until I wasn’t anymore.

Pain is a funny thing. We do all we can to run away from it, avoid it, fight it, resist it and ignore it because our ego mind tells us that we are in danger if we feel it. What is interesting is that I have found the opposite to be true. If I allow myself to acknowledge,  accept and feel the pain, whether it is physical or emotional, it often dissipates. My perspective on pain is that there is much learning for me about myself from the pain I experience and once I open myself to receive that teaching, the pain has done its job and often leaves. When I view pain to be bad and to be avoided at all costs, it sticks around. When I view pain to be one of my teachers in life, pain is no longer bad. It just is.

My invitation to you this week is to ask yourself if there is a struggle or issue in your life right now that you may have a rigid view of or you may feel stuck with. Is there another perspective you could have instead? Are you being repeatedly triggered by the same thing or person? Why are you being triggered? Go inward and see if there are answers waiting for you. Play with just being with your emotions and observing them instead of reacting to them and taking them out on other people. It will feel foreign at first but stick with it and see what happens. And please be gentle with yourself if you do end up reacting and barfing all over someone. We are human after all. Learn from it and move on. When we don’t do something well, if we stick with it long enough, we will eventually become good at it.

Much love,


Listening to my intuition likely saved my life

Something that I have discussed a lot in my writings and with my clients is the power of listening to and acting on your intuition. I don’t view connecting to your inner wisdom as a luxury or a tool that is nice to whip out every now and then but a practice that is vital to your wellbeing, wholeness and ultimately your happiness. The past few weeks for me have hit this point home on a personal level.

I had been humming and haing about making an appointment to see my dermatologist about a mole on my arm. To give you some background, I have been diagnosed with 2 melanomas (cancerous moles) in the past so I have a yearly full body check done. My appointment for this year is in September so I contemplated waiting until then. Every time I saw the mole in the mirror, I felt this nudge to get it checked but right away, my mind jumped in and said to wait until September. To top it all off, I had just been in to see my doctor the month before because a mole began to surface on the incision site of a prior melanoma. When I phoned the office, the nurse suggested I come in. It turned out to be nothing to be concerned about but I was feeling a bit ridiculous about making another appointment having just been in.

But I kept feeling the nudges so I swallowed my pride, listened to my intuition and made an appointment. That appointment was two weeks ago. My dermatologist and his resident looked at it and both didn’t think it was a melanoma but because I was quite insistent on having it removed, they acquiesced. One week later, I received a phone call. It was indeed a melanoma. We had caught it really early so there was no need for concern but he said “Thank goodness you came in and insisted that we remove it. I am shocked that it is a melanoma.” Two out of three of my melanomas have been pink which only happens 10-15% of the time. They didn’t even look like moles which makes them even harder to diagnose.

That day that I found out the news, I felt really off. Crazy energy was moving through my body and tears flowed several times. When I checked what emotions were accompanying the tears, I was really feeling gratitude and relief that my inner guidance had given me a message, that I had heard it and that I had acted on it. Melanoma is a nasty skin cancer that often doesn’t have great outcomes once it has spread. I was so grateful that I had caught it early.

That night, I lay on the couch and just let the energy move through me. I didn’t try to analyze or figure it out. I was just present with it. At one point, I felt an opening in my chest which I call a heart opening. It is difficult to describe but there was a lightness and expansiveness that happened along with a feeling of love.  On my way to bed, I stopped at my office and picked up my Oracle cards that I love to use from time to time. They are a lot of fun and when I am faced with a decision or am dealing with something, I like to pull a card to see what guidance is there for me in that moment. So I felt drawn to pull a card while asking the Universe to help me choose the card that will give me a message regarding the reason for another melanoma diagnosis. The card I chose is called Sacred Journey. It spoke to the belief that life is both a physical and spiritual journey and that we are so much more that our physical realities. We are each characters in a play (life) and each play is designed for maximum dramatic effect or else it would be very boring. The line that struck a deep chord in me was “It is through our human drama we expand our understanding of love… Through drama, we come to understand how sacred life is”.  I realized that this diagnosis was another reminder to connect me more to the love that is me, the truth of me, the essence of my soul and to give myself what I need.

The following days were still filled with tears but what came up for me was my human mortality. I have been through this before but never with a husband and daughters. I wasn’t playing a central role in any one’s life back then like I am now and it really impacted me. There was also a message of living in the now and not putting off the really important stuff in life, a reminder to be fully present with the people in my life and not let the busyness get in the way.

I had further surgery on my arm a few days ago to remove more tissue in the area to make sure the melanoma is completely gone. I was able to step into that process with acceptance and love and surrender. It went smoothly and I was quite calm through the surgery. My arm is feeling amazingly much better today and I am quite surprised by the mobility I have despite the 3 inch zipper.

So you may be saying to yourself, that it was just coincidence that I had the mole removed and that I am off my rocker and out in la la land. Maybe, but I have had too many experiences in my life now of listening to and acting from my intuition/inner guidance that I don’t believe it is just a coincidence. I believe that it is the many meditations I have done, including the ones that felt like crap and that I couldn’t connect in the way I wanted to with my essence, that allowed me to hear my intuition. I believe it is the many times I have listened to my intuition even when it made no sense and seemed crazy but gave me evidence that it was truth, that allowed me to hear my intuition this time. I believe it is the many moments when I caught myself worrying about the future or regretting the past and bringing myself back to the present moment that allowed me to hear my intuition. Was the practice, the crappy meditations, doing crazy things that made no sense and the willingness to be open to learning more about my true self worth it? You bet your ass it was!

My invitation to you is to get quiet and check in with yourself to see if there are nudges you have been feeling or a deep knowingness that you haven’t allowed yourself to accept. Fear stops us from doing this but the following truth is what has helped me move through the fear. Once we shine a light on the dark parts, the shadows in ourselves, the darkness disappears and an even greater light replaces it in our being. The dark parts, the pain or the tough experiences in life are the very portals to connecting more with the essence of our souls. Acknowledging the dark parts, embracing them and loving them is the path to wholeness, love and happiness. So if your intuition seems to be leading you towards pain or parts of you that you don’t want to look at, know that is safe and that there is lightness and peace waiting for you.

Much love,


A Different Perspective on Goal Setting

When you hear the word “goals”, do you get excited or do you want to run for the hills? When I was young, goals were exciting for me, a chance to see what I could do. But then it changed and they started stressing me out. I began to have an aversion to them and didn’t want to set any for myself. Looking back, I can see why that happened. When I was young, fear wasn’t getting in the way of me moving forward. The excitement of the possibilities available to me was stronger than any belief that would hold me back. The shift from excitement to fear happened because I began attaching my self-worth to the outcome of achieving the goal. What if I fail? What if I don’t achieve the goal? What will that say about me and what will people think? I was so attached to the outcome of achieving the goal that the fear of possibly not achieving it was either holding me back or stressing me out.

Not only was I attached to the outcome, I tried to rigidly control how I got there. I would set a goal and then try to micromanage every step of the way to ensure that I was successful. I was successful in achieving many of my goals this way but the journey to the goals felt awful and scary. By the time I reached my goal, I was stressed out and exhausted. The joy I thought I would feel in achieving the goal, simply wasn’t there because I was depleted.

The happiness wasn’t there because I was trying to live my life from the outside in. I was using external sources to prove that I was worthy and I spent the whole time up in my head worrying and planning and controlling every step. One of my mentors, Michael Neill, sums it up really well. He says that “without the thinking, goals are just targets, something to aim for that help organize and coordinate actions, not something to determine your self worth or determine your well being”. If goals are tied up with your well being, it puts off how you want to feel until you achieve the goal and even then, we don’t always feel the way we thought we would. Thinking about what it will take to achieve your goals and what it will mean to you if you don’t, can take you out before you even get started.

The mindset shift that has helped me relax more in setting goals is the following. The reality is, there are some goals I will achieve and some that I will fail miserably at. Either result is fine because it has no bearing on who I am and my self worth and well being. Nada! I love Michael’s analogy of goal setting like a game of snakes and ladders. Sometimes on our way to the winning square at the end of the game, we get to climb ladders which propel us forward quickly. Sometimes we just move forward one square at a time. Sometimes we find ourselves going backwards down the snakes. We may say “Oh crap” but we don’t think, I am a loser and not good enough to play this game. We don’t quit the game. We just keep rolling the dice and making our way forwards again until we reach the end. We would all be sitting in the dark if Thomas Edison quit when he failed the first 100 times in attempting to get a light bulb to work. Thank goodness he didn’t let the snakes take him out of the game.

I was listening to a workshop this weekend and I love what Gabriela Madonado-Montano said because it really rang true for me. She said “Thank God we learn to walk when we are children”. If we learned to walk as adults, we wouldn’t get back up and try again after the first 10 fails. We fell down a lot as kids but we didn’t give up and kept moving forward. We forget as adults that this capacity exists in us as adults. It doesn’t leave us as we transition from childhood into adulthood. We have this innate resiliency within us that helps us bounce back in spite of any perceived failure we may experience. Our essence/spirit/soul can not be damaged regardless of our life experiences. It is deep within us from our time of birth into this world and it is never tarnished, damaged or diminished. It is always there within us whether we feel it or not. Life experiences just get in the way of us feeling it. We become disconnected so that we don’t feel it and then we forget that it is within us still. An analogy would be like the sun being covered by clouds. The sun hasn’t disappeared. It is just being obscured by the clouds covering it. It doesn’t shine any less and isn’t any less brilliant. We just can’t see or feel it because it is covered up. In life, the sun is our essence and the clouds are all the life experiences, thoughts, beliefs and emotions we have had. Your essence is always there, shining within you and is not affected by whether you achieve your goals or not.

Remembering this truth has helped me relax into my goals instead of striving and pushing towards them. It feels so much better! I set goals that I really desire, not because I feel I should set them or because they will determine my self worth but because I really want to achieve them. The energy and my “why” underneath setting my goals has shifted from a “needing to” to a “wanting to”. I have also let go of how everything should look along the way. When I tried to control every step before, I was closing off the possibility of something even better than I could imagine from happening. When I am having an unconscious moment in the car when my husband is driving and I start telling him what route to take, he reminds me that there are many ways of getting to the same destination and I need to just trust that he will get me there safely. I immediately can relax, let go and enjoy the ride.

Here is my invitation to you, should you accept it. Where in your life can you let go of the reins a little and relax the controlling behaviour, knowing that regardless of the outcome, you are going to be just fine? Experiment with it and see if you feel differently. It may feel a little wobbly at first because you are not used to it but I promise that over time, with practice, you will feel more relaxed, free and happier. Surrender used to be my “S” word. Oh shit, I’m supposed to surrender. Now it is more my friend than foe.

Until next time, let go and let live!

Much love,

What on earth is self-love?

Self-love is a word, or two words, being thrown around a lot in the personal development/spiritual world. What does self-love even mean and where do I begin to start loving myself more? Many people equate self-love with being selfish and self centred as if self-love is at the exclusion of loving others or believing that you deserve more than others. I don’t believe this to be the case as loving myself has shifted my life substantially. Instead of being selfish, self-love is really the opposite and is the way you can give even more to people in your life.

I talk to clients about giving their energy when the tank is empty. This giving from fumes is not great quality energy and you aren’t giving the best of yourself. Giving from a full tank of energy, from overflow instead is giving the best of your energy which is a much better gift. The same principle applies to love. To give from overflow instead of fumes, you must fill your own tank with loving yourself first before you can give the best quality love to your loved ones. Doesn’t sound very selfish to me.

So what is self-love? Let’s start with what it is not. It is not judging yourself, beating yourself up, denying and running away from your feelings, numbing yourself out in front of the tv or stuffing your face when you feel down. It is not surrounding yourself with rainbows and hearts, telling yourself only to feel good feelings when you actually feel sad. Self-love is not putting yourself on the back burner constantly and looking after everyone else first or giving at the expense of your own well-being. Denying our feelings and fears closes the opening to our essence and soul. When we hurt ourselves by beating ourselves up, self-judgement and negative self talk, we hurt others as well because when we aren’t in a state of loving ourselves, we are not expressing the truth of who we are. We are withholding the gift of our soul’s unique essence from others in our life and robbing them from experiencing the real us.

Self-love is looking after yourself – eating healthy food, exercising, getting enough sleep, having a daily practice, time to replenish and refuel but to me, it goes much deeper than that. It really is about acknowledging, accepting, feeling and expressing our emotions, all of them, not just the ones that feel good. You may be wondering, how can letting myself feel negative emotions be loving to myself when they feel so awful? I get it. Who really wants that? The thing is, if we don’t allow ourselves to feel those yucky emotions, they stay in our bodies and wreak havoc until we do feel them fully. I have seen the results of that time and time again in my physical therapy practice. On the other side of those negative emotions though, lies our joy and we can’t get to the joy until we do the tough work of feeling our emotions and seeing what new insight about ourselves is waiting for us. Is there fear doing this work? Absolutely! That’s why it takes courage to practice self love and why I think so many people don’t.

Taking loving action can be quite difficult and scary – ending a relationship, leaving a job, cutting ties with friends, speaking your truth even though it may ruffle some feathers, going against societal norms and risking being rejected. Not taking loving action, however, will eventually hurt more in the end.

When I don’t practise self-love, I am setting the example for my children that it is OK to not love yourself. I am also taking away the very love that my kids need because if I can’t give love fully to myself, I can’t fully give them the love they need. OUCH! That was so hard for me to hear and I immediately began beating myself up for not loving myself more when I learned it was hurting my kids on some level. This was my lesson to learn and theirs as well. Isn’t it crazy that it took potentially hurting my girls for me to start loving myself fully? I would do it for my girls but not for myself. I guess it takes what it takes and in the end, we all benefit from it.

Accepting all our feelings is the path to wholeness. We only feel whole when we accept and embrace every feeling and fear. When we embrace and express our emotions, they lead us to the false beliefs that may be causing them. When we see the false beliefs for the lies that they are, we can then choose truth which allows us to heal. Feelings are full of information if we are open to hearing the messages. They are our greatest teachers. We can learn so much about ourselves and how we can treat ourselves better.

Self-love and acceptance is the way to true connection with your essence and source. Self-judgement and deprecation cuts of this connection. This is my life changing epiphany. I used to feel that there was something missing in me, that I was broken and defective in some way, that I wasn’t good enough. Now I know that that feeling was a disconnect, not a defect. It was a disconnect from my heart and soul, my essence, my spirit and source. It was a disconnect from my body, my emotions and my true self. I was living up in my head all the time. I remember being asked what I was feeling in my body and I had no idea what they were talking about. You want me to feel what? Here I was, a physical therapist, working with other people’s bodies all day long and I had no idea how my own body felt. I was so in my head and out of my body. It is what we do as a form of protection, not feeling physical or emotional pain. I was running away from the pain I experienced in my back and neck by ignoring it and staying up in my head. It took some time to be aware of how my body felt and listen to what my body was telling me. Now I know what it feels like.

The other night, I was giving a good friend of mine a coaching energy session and she called me her “spirit guide”. I laughed at first but then realized she was right. That is what I do. I guide people to reconnect to the essence of who they are, their spirit, their soul, their truth. I have been reluctant to fully own that. I consider myself a pretty grounded, down to earth person and “spirit guide” sounded so woo woo. I mean, what would people think? Another good friend said that I have been dancing around owning it for the past two years. I can’t deny it any longer as it resonates so deeply within me that I know it to be truth for me. Does that mean that I am fully connected and in my essence all the time? Heck no! It is something I am aiming for, being in my essence more times than not. Every day, I set my intention to be in my essence with my loved ones, my patients, my clients and anyone I connect with that day. It doesn’t mean that I am in my essence every moment of the day but setting my intention to be so helps the odds of it happening.

What does it feel like when  practising self-love and being connected to your essence? You feel happy, alive, passionate and yet a deep sense of peace, empowered, connected, authentic, creative, non-judgemental and whole. You give from fullness rather than at your own expense. You value and speak your truth despite any potential consequences. It just feels damn good! Loving yourself affects every area of your life because it is who you are being. Imagine how your career, relationships, health etc. would be if you were practising self love and being in truth. They say the truth will set you free, and it does. Love and truth are one and the same. They create more flow, peace, joy and harmony in your life. Love is all around us but when we can’t see it, we look for it, seek and strive for it from external sources. We just need to open our hearts and allow the love in. The love around us is the beauty of nature, the miracle of birth, the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly and an acorn into an oak tree. Love is the life force that pervades everything. When we open our eyes and hearts to this love all around us, we can stop struggling to find it and relax into it instead.

Ask yourself, are you willing to love yourself today? Start with baby steps. I know it can seem like a big leap to go from how you may feel today to loving yourself and knowing what that is. Start your day setting your intention to act from love and if you aren’t sure in the moment if you are doing that, simply ask yourself, “Am I acting from love or fear?” The two can’t coexist. I find it easier to know if I am acting from fear so if I recognize that I am acting from fear, the next question is “What would love do?” and I do that instead. Choose compassion and caring over fear and watch your life change.

Until next time, be good to yourself and let love flow in your life!

Much love,



No, no ….. not another shit storm! Aaaahhhh!

See if this sounds familiar to you. You decide to commit to making a change in your life. It may be changing a habit, embarking on a new venture or maybe it is changing who you are being. You know deep in your heart that it is what you want and it is the right thing for you or you wouldn’t have committed to it. You feel really good as you start taking the first steps towards what you desire. Then it happens!

Enter the shit storm! Everything seems to go wrong. Your once felt euphoria morphs into dismay and frustration. You become filled with fear about everything that could go wrong if you continue on this new path you started. You want to run away to avoid feeling the pain and discomfort. This is not what you wanted or what you asked for and you start doubting whether it was a good decision in the first place. Instead of moving forward, you stall or pull back and retreat, feeling so enmeshed in the grip of fear. How can this new path be the right thing when it now feels so awful?

Ever have an experience like this? I have, countless times and in the moment, it feels pretty revolting. I used to be consumed by the shit storms, paralyzed by fear, feeling like I wanted to flee. The very last thing I felt like doing was continuing to move forward towards my desire for fear that even more shit would hit the fan. I still have moments when I am unconscious to what is going on and get carried away by the fear but it happens with much less frequency.

So what really is going on? Bottom line….transition is uncomfortable! This saying really sums it up, “When one door closes, another one opens but it is hell in the hallway”. Transition is being in the hallway and yes, it can feel like hell on wheels. I remember telling my coaches in the past about how horrible the shit storm was and thinking “How can they be so calm? How come they don’t see how bad this is?”. Now I know that they knew something I didn’t know. They knew this was a normal part of the process. It was the breakdown before the breakthrough.

There are actual biological changes occurring at a cellular level. On a recent video , Todd Herman described what happens on a cellular level when we try to create change. Our cells are constantly receiving information and are replicating themselves. They are used to receiving cortisol (a stress hormone). The cells then want more of it so they send info up to the brain saying “give me more cortisol” and they get it by creating more stress in their lives. That’s why we still feel stressed even when we don’t think we are. Our cells are used to cortisol. So when we start taking steps towards improving ourselves, positive emotion goes through our bodies and the cells get bombarded with feel good hormones such as dopamine and serotonin instead. The cells start vibrating to change their receptor sites to receive these new hormones. It is this vibration that trips us up. It is the very cause of self sabotage and resistance. We attach our own story to the discomfort and interpret as “this doesn’t feel good, it must not be right for me”. This is when we pull back and stop moving forward to making the changes we desire. Right when our cells are making adjustments from receiving mostly cortisol to mostly serotonin/dopamine, we quit because it doesn’t feel good. This is the hell in the hallway. Change is happening and if we just hang in there and keep taking steps forward during this transition stage, transformation will happen. Our cells will want more and more dopamine/serotonin and less cortisol so we will start choosing more activities that lead us to release more of those feel good hormones instead of continuing to create stressful situations for ourselves. You can relax into the change now that you know the biological changes happening at a cellular level. Transition is literally a cellular adjustment period.

That’s the science behind it and it can be very helpful for people to have something that their logical minds can grasp on to. There is also another perspective that has helped me immensely. I can’t truly say that I am thinking about my cells when the crap appears. Here is the realization that has changed how I look at the storm. When we ask for something we really want by making a decision and a commitment to making changes, God/Universe/Source shows us everything that is in the way and has been running the show. We are being shown our patterning in our subconscious mind, what needs to be seen, healed and cleared before we can have what we really want and be who we want to be. The gremlins are being shown to us by a big ol’ spotlight shining on them instead of hiding out in our subconscious minds where we aren’t aware of them.

Amazing things happen when we can welcome and embrace the fears/doubts/discomfort because now that we are aware of them, we have choice. Without awareness, we don’t have choice and feel pretty helpless. Awareness brings choice and power and we get to decide what we do with the storm. We can continue to resist or flee (fight or flight) or we can recognize that we have an opportunity to really look at what has been running our lives and change it if we choose. We can continue to move forward in spite of the discomfort and find out for ourselves if we are really on the right path. We can gather our own evidence instead of believing the fear. When we resist or flee, we are choosing to believe in the fear instead of what is really true for us. Find out for yourself instead of taking fear’s word for it. I am so grateful for my coaches helping me through my transition periods because it can feel like a very torturous time. I still need help from time to time when I get caught up in the storm, and yes it still happens, but not to the same extent and not as often. I now believe that life supports me. Life has my greatest good in mind, not punishment or suffering or lack. What do you believe about life? Is it working for you? Do you want to change your beliefs? It is possible and I am living proof of that. If you don’t believe you can change your beliefs and thoughts, that’s just fear yipping at you:) Until next time, may you welcome the storms in your life and see them for what they really are – an opportunity to know yourself even more.

Happiness is ….

“…Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth… Clap along if you know what happiness is to you… Clap along if you feel like that’s what you want to do.”

Love the song Happy by Pharrell Williams! We dance to it pretty well every morning at our house. You can’t help but feel happy when you dance to that song. Do you know what happiness is to you is also a great question. I used to think I knew but found out it wasn’t true.

The tendency is to look outside of ourselves for happiness. I’ll be happy when I lose 10 lbs. I’ll be happy when I get my next promotion. I’ll be happy when I meet my soulmate. I’ll be happy when I have my dream house or dream car. I’ll be happy when…… We put our happiness on hold, waiting for some future condition or event, until we have something that we don’t currently have. When I was single, I thought that I would be so happy when I got married and had kids. Prior to that, it was achieving my goals that I felt held my happiness. So when I achieved my goals, got married and had children, I was confused about why I still had moments of sadness or feeling lack and still not being good enough.

We tend to look outside of ourselves and put off our happiness into the future instead of understanding that happiness comes from within us. It isn’t dependent on external things or circumstances. We can be happy right now in the present if we choose to be. Committing to being happy and then doing the internal work that will help us get there is the key. It doesn’t mean that we won’t feel other emotions along the way. We absolutely will but the commitment to being happy will pull us forward in spite of feeling “negative” emotions.

What does that look like? If being happy means forgiving a grudge, do it. If it means letting go of always being right, do it. Maybe it means giving up the too high expectations and judgements you have of yourself and others or stopping trying to please everyone and ignoring your own desires. Perhaps happiness is in slowing down and catching your breath or giving up your huge list of household chores for the day and playing full out with your kids/partner/friend instead. Being the first to apologize (that’s a big one for me!) or allowing yourself to fully feel your emotions instead of stuffing them down and ignoring them may create your moments of happiness.

We create our own unhappiness and struggles by holding on to beliefs, thoughts, feelings and habits that are resisting reality. The crazy thing is, these beliefs and thoughts are often not even true and yet they are causing how we feel and how we act or not act as the case may be. I held on to the belief that I wasn’t good enough despite all the great things that were happening in my life. It caused me to feel unworthy, unloveable, unsupported and affected my actions – serial achieving trying to fill that void in me. I had held onto the belief at a subconscious level and it wasn’t until I was aware of it that I was able to change it. Having awareness and accepting what is happening instead of fighting against it is really important. Then you can ask yourself what you can do, what you do have control of to move towards what you want instead.

What can you change or let go of that will increase your happiness today?

and dance it up!