Author: Glenda Lane

Are you an all or nothing person? I am or at least that is a pattern of mine. I tend to be all in or all out. And if you don’t have this pattern, you probably know someone who does and this may shed some light and give you a deeper understanding of them.

I recently had a two week period where I was really busy. It was all good stuff but I was still tired afterwards. So I purposely dialled things back the week after, knowing I needed some down time.

Now you’d think that would be a time that I would rest and relax and enjoy myself. I did rest and I did relax but guess what?

I didn’t feel great.

I felt flat. I felt meh. My ego even convinced me that I was bored. It was yipping at me to go and do something, do something to feel inspired again.

And that is what I have done in the past, jumped into action to feel that high of giving it all, being all in.

Oh ya and let’s throw some judgement in the mix, judging myself for not doing, not feeling inspired, not doing the thing. Let’s resist the heck out of relaxing and recovering.

So during my meh week, I got my butt down for a walk in the ravine. It is my happy place and yet I was resistant to going. It was cold, -19 degrees C but so beautiful with a sunny blue sky and the recent snow looked gorgeous on the trees.

As I was walking, I was contemplating this pattern of mine. I heard woodpeckers pecking away at the trees and bold little squirrels and chickadees ran and flew around me. I let nature grab my attention and I kept walking.

At one point, I sat on a bench overlooking the creek with the sun in my face. I closed my eyes and sat still, listening to all the sounds.

And then it hit me. This all or nothing pattern of mine is actually how I work best. It’s how I function well. And instead of judging it and judging myself for not being able to operate well in between the all or nothing, maybe I should be embracing it and working with it.

I get inspired and serve and be busy for a bit and then I retreat and rest and recuperate until I am replenished to give again. While I am in the “all in” state, I can still be looking after myself and engage in self care so that I don’t get so depleted and when in my retreat phase, I can still do some things but have self care be the top priority.

I realize now that feeling Meh is my signal to engage in radical self care. It isn’t something to judge myself about or to let my ego convince me I need to jump into action instead. It’s a signal to relax and rejuvenate even more.

Being in a relaxed state is the state of receiving and this is what I have been robbing myself of by pushing myself instead of slowing down.

What I noticed when I was giving myself radical self care is that abundance kept showing up. After going to an evening yoga class, I discovered that I had been sent money. The next day after working in the morning with a client, I decided to lie down for a bit before taking my girls to dance class. When i got up, I discovered that more money had been sent to me. After being out in nature the next day, someone contacted me out of the blue who wanted to work with me. Hmm…me thinks there is a pattern here.

If we are constantly in the push, in the doing state, we aren’t able to receive the way we are in the down time of rest.

So the meh state is actually necessary and not just a luxury. It is a big part of the giving/receiving cycle.

And it is also where inspiration to create appears again.

As I was walking back through the ravine, I looked up and saw 3 beautiful woodpeckers, black and white with gorgeous red heads. I stopped and just stayed with them for a bit.

When I got home, I looked up the woodpecker animal totem meaning. It said many things but this is the line that grabbed me: “Woodpecker comes with the message that you have the foundation and it is now safe for you to follow your own rhythms.”

Thank you woodpeckers for your validation of my embracing my all or nothing pattern! Meh is now my friend, the friend who gently nudges me and says “Hey Glenda, time to give yourself what you need even more.” I sure do love making new friends:)

So Lovelies, if you have the all or nothing pattern, I invite you to fully embrace it and work with it instead of resisting it. Be fully in while looking after yourself when you are inspired and rest and have self care be your top priority when you are in down time. Both phases are important and necessary.

Much love,

Glenda

I was on fire yesterday after a conversation I had with a friend and felt compelled to do a FaceBook Live video about it.

It’s time to shift this paradigm that our bodies are the enemy that we need to fight, that our bodies are broken and need fixing to the new paradigm that our bodies are our best friends that require our love.

Much love,

Glenda

This is a story I haven’t told too many people. It’s a bit of a crazy story and one that has made me cringe a little when I wonder what people will think. I was telling it to a client last week and I kept getting the message that it needs to be shared.

I tried to sit down and write it but was met with a lot of resistance. Then I got the message that I needed to tell it myself and not just write it.

So I did a Facebook live about it and have included the youtube video for those of you who haven’t seen it. It has a powerful message so stay tuned to the end.

So at the risk of appearing a little cray cray….here it is.

Much love,

Glenda

During this week of American Thanksgiving, I’ve been receiving a lot of emails in my inbox where people are giving their products and services at a reduced rate or even for free. They are very generous gestures and yet my attention is being diverted towards receiving.

Receiving has been coming up in my coaching sessions with several people and one of my beautiful friends texted me yesterday asking me “what does it mean to receive? How do you receive?” They are great questions and they inspired me to spend some time contemplating them so I thought I would share what has come to me.

First of all, how you do one thing is how you do everything so when we are discussing the action of receiving, it doesn’t really matter whether we are talking about receiving love, receiving support, receiving money…. They are one in the same. They all involve an exchange of energy.

From an energetic perspective, giving is energy going out and receiving is energy coming in. It appears to be very simple, and it is and yet we human beings have found a way to complicate it. We have found a way to get in the way of our receiving.

Now why the heck would we do that? Once again it is happening at a subconscious level and we aren’t aware we are doing that until we are. So becoming aware of our particular flavour of resisting is very helpful because then we have choice to do things differently.

Underneath the resistance, which I’ll get to in a minute, is a fear. Let’s use money as an example. For some people, the thought of receiving a lot of money, more money than they are used to, brings up fears of not knowing how to manage it or of having increased responsibility as a result.

This fear may sound crazy to you but I had a big fear about receiving love. I was afraid that if I let in all the love that was being given to me, that it would take me over and I would disappear. It would annihilate me. I’d end up in a weeping mass on the floor. Crazy huh?

And yet these fears can feel really real and they cause us to protect ourselves so we can be safe (perceptively).

So how do we get in the way of receiving? What causes us to resist being given to?

It’s our protective mechanisms that we took on as children. It’s beliefs about we took on about ourselves, life and how we had to be in the world to stay safe, loved and not abandoned that then caused us to adopt habitual ways of being that aren’t who we really are.

One belief that I adopted in order to stay safe and loved by my parents was that I had to do everything myself and not need any attention. This belief led to me being super independent, self-sufficient and never asking for help. Was help and assistance available? You bet. In fact, it was offered to me time and time again but I wouldn’t let it in. I resisted receiving because if I did, then someone would get hurt and it would be my fault and then I wouldn’t be loved. Was that belief true? No. But as a little 4 year old, through little 4 year old eyes, I perceived it to be true.

So you can see that me allowing myself to receive support hasn’t come easily. I have worked on it consciously and now I am at a place where I can receive. I even ask for help now. AND…I still have my moments where I default back into believing I have to do it all on my own, because I am human after all.

For some people, they have the belief that you have to work really hard for money, that you have to earn it. So if money literally came knocking at their door, they wouldn’t allow themselves to receive it. Or if they did receive it, it would disappear very quickly and it would be as if they had never received it at all.

Then there is the well known belief that money is evil. So if you have a lot of money, then you will become a bad, stingy and greedy person. Good people don’t have a lot of money. Can you see how that false belief would keep you from receiving money?

I get that this can sound pretty crazy because there is that part of us that says, “I wouldn’t push money away. I really want to receive my soul mate. Why would I resist that?” That is your conscious mind speaking but 96% of our beliefs and thoughts are in our subconscious mind.

Maybe just take a moment and be curious instead. What if I am getting in my own way of receiving, I wonder how I am doing that? What beliefs am I holding and what protective mechanisms do I have that keep people, money, support etc. out? You can’t receive the answers unless you ask the questions. Be curious instead of making this something wrong with you. These are just the patterns of the human experience that we all have.

Are you ultra independent, doing it all yourself? Are you afraid you can’t handle what could come to you? Do you worry you will screw it up? Are you stuck in victim mode because you don’t want the responsibility of getting yourself out of a not so great situation? These are just a few of them. What are your habitual ways of being? Do you judge a lot? Complain a lot? Make assumptions? People please? Put everyone else first and yourself last?

When we are willing to get really honest with ourselves and look at what might be in the way, we receive opportunities to make changes that will lead to us being able to receive in the way we desire. It truly is fascinating to understand what makes us tick and behave in the ways we do.

And the best part is…the protective mechanisms are not who we really are. They are just behaviours we thought we had to take on to stay safe. And maybe they were what we needed to do as kids. But now as adults, they actually push away the very things we desire – love, support, abundance.

So what’t the answer? We can spend forever and a day analyzing the protective mechanisms and why we took them on but that doesn’t help us receive. What helps us receive is getting into our hearts.

Protective mechanisms are all about safety. They are derived from fear. So you have to decide if you want to life a safe life or an abundant life, a life or survival or a life of thriving, a life lived from fear or a life lived from love.

How do we get into our hearts? Well, it’s not being up in our heads being mental about it and trying to use logic to figure it out. Getting into your heart can be as simple as a random act of kindness. It could be giving someone a compliment. It could be writing out a thank you note. It could be asking a cashier how his/her day is going? It could be any act in response to the question “what would love do?”. And that includes what would love do for yourself. It includes giving to yourself as well as others. For those of you who have always put others first at the cost of your own wellbeing, maybe start with giving love to yourself first. Your energy exchange is out of balance, it is more energy out than in so give to yourself and fill up your tank.

Now you may be saying, Glenda, I thought we were talking about receiving here and now you are saying to get into our hearts and give. What’s up with that?

What I have come to know is that both giving and receiving require an open heart. To give, your heart must be open and to receive your heart must be open. An open heart requires dropping the protection, letting the walls down, allowing ourselves to feel and be vulnerable. Not letting ourselves feel is placing our hearts on lock down.

One of my teachers taught me a long time ago that if you desire to receive something, then give it. If you truly desire to receive love, then give love instead of protecting yourself from the possibility of getting hurt.

And this whole safety issue, of keeping ourselves protected and safe, it is an illusion. These protective mechanisms don’t really keep us safe at all. Our egos just have us believing that to be true. The safest place is actually in our hearts. It is where home is. It is where our love and our knowing is. That is the truth.

To wrap it all up, true receiving requires, being in our hearts, doing what love would do, giving to ourselves and others, letting ourselves feel and allowing ourselves to be given to.

I would love to hear what your thoughts are about receiving in the comments below. And if you are curious about how you may be resisting receiving, email me at glenda@freedomfromwithin.net and we can set up a time to explore together.

Happy Thanksgiving/Thanksreceiving to my American friends! In the spirit of this time, may all our hearts open a little more today.

Much love,

Glenda

The response to acute stress is normal. It is necessary. It keeps us alive. That is its job. Stress is when your brain and body are knocked out of balance. The stress response is what your body does innately to bring it back to order.

Acute stress doesn’t last. Something triggers the stress response. Then the stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol are released into the blood stream. Blood is shunted to our limbs and our heart rate increases to help us get the heck out of dodge. And then when the stressor or danger is no longer present, our heart rate slows, blood is returned to our “non-essential” digestive and reproductive organs and our blood chemistry returns to normal, we come into balance and we feel relaxed again.

That is a normal response to stress. The problem occurs when stress becomes chronic. I know this all too well as a result of the pressure I have put on myself for the majority of my life, playing the “I gotta get it right” game.

Chronic stress is when we can’t turn the stress response off. We can live in this chronic stress mode for quite a long period of time until our bodies can’t cope any more and it affects the way our systems function. Living in emergency mode (chronic stress) for an extended period of time leads to disease. Period. The hormones of stress push the genetic buttons that create disease.

I didn’t even know I was living with chronic stress. It is that sneaky. It flies just under the radar. And I wasn’t listening to all the symptoms my body was giving me, such as fatigue, pain, tension, digestive and hormonal issues, skin cancer…

But I don’t want to stay focused on what chronic stress is. I want to focus on what to do to come back into balance.

There are a few antidotes to stress but the one that has meant the most to me is love and connection.

Feeling stressed is a very lonely experience, even if you are surrounded by people. When you are stressed, you are in your own little world, very self focused because you are, after all, in survival mode. I felt very alone at times and that it was all up to me to take care of and no one would understand what I was feeling.

That feeling of separation is an ego construct. The stressed state is not the truth of who you are. It is the ego’s way of having you feel separate, of feeling alone. It feels very very real but it isn’t true. When you feel stressed, you don’t tend to socialize or connect with people as much and it feels lonely.

What I have come to know is that me reaching out and connecting, me getting into my heart and asking what would love do has been my way out of the stress forest. It changed my blood chemistry from stress to bonding. Oxytocin is released into the blood stream during a hug and when a mother breast feeds. It is a bonding hormone that makes you feel good. It counters the affects of the stress hormones. It is a great example of how love and connection are an antidote.

When I am connecting with others at a heart level, I feel relaxed and really good. Life flows better and is way more enjoyable. It is the opposite of the separation I feel with the fear/stress response.

I had a realization last week that I talked to my husband about. We are both really good at giving each other space to work through whatever is going on for us. We take full responsibility for how we are feeling and we have faith in each other to do what we need to in order to move through things. We don’t need to save one another. What I realized though is that I feel very alone when I do that as I tend to isolate myself. So I told him that I would love us to really stay connected and communicate even more when each of us is moving through something. We can still do what we need to on our own and stay connected at the same time. It will require some practice as isolation is quite an ingrained pattern of mine.

So the next time you feel separate or alone, your system is likely stressed and instead of focusing on reducing stress, put your attention on love and connection. What you put your attention on grows. Reach out to family or friends. Look people in the eye and smile when you see them walking down the street or in line at the grocery store. Make a stranger’s day by asking them how their day is going. Or maybe the connection that is needed is with yourself, giving yourself some love and connecting with what you need to feel good. There is no need to be an island unto yourself.

Love and connection is how you shift from survival stress mode into thriving and enjoyment. Who’s day can you make today?

Much love,

Glenda

The truth is, yes, stress is optional. And I know this will push the buttons of more than a few people, especially the ones who are really in it right now, up to their eyeballs in overwhelm.

I sooooo get it! I would get so triggered and pissy when I felt stressed out and my hubby would remind me of this fact. Yes, the F bombs flew! And I also knew deep down that it was true, that I actually had choice in the matter.

So let’s dissect this down a bit. What is stress exactly?

Stress = pressure + worry (or some other negative emotion).

A lot of people actually believe that pressure alone is stress but it isn’t.

You can give two different people the same task to do in the same amount of time. Both have pressure to complete the task so that is the common denominator.

What is different is that person A may look at the task, breakdown the steps and just start. Person B could look at the task, breakdown the steps but also add a story about what if I don’t get it done? What are people going to think? What if I don’t get it done and I lose my job? They begin ruminating and going down the rabbit hole of all the worst case scenarios. They create a story that not getting the task completed in time means something bad about them. They both had the same pressure of the task but person A wasn’t stressed and person B was.

Now you may be thinking that person B doesn’t have a choice. That is just who they are, a worrier. But I beg to differ. Person B is not a worrier. That isn’t who they really are. They just have a learned behaviour pattern of worrying. They are choosing to worry, albeit subconsciously, as a result of a limiting belief and protective mechanism they took on as a child. In this case, the belief is “I’m not good enough” and the protective mechanism or behaviour is to worry.

So stress actually is a choice. We are choosing to worry or put undo pressure on ourselves. Now why on earth would anyone choose that? After all, it feels like crap and when escalated can feel like you may be having a heart attack. Who would choose that?

The majority of the time, it is not a conscious choice. We are only aware of 4% of our conscious thoughts. The rest of our thoughts and beliefs live in our subconscious minds where we are not aware of them and they are creating our realities. It is only when we become conscious of these subconscious thoughts that we have choice.

Awareness gives us choice which is exactly why I am talking about it today to start the contemplation of what beliefs/thoughts and habitual patterns are at the root of feeling stressed. Awareness is the first step. Then the unravelling and disengaging from these patterns can begin.

What I have come to know is that underlying worry and limiting beliefs is fear. If fear didn’t exist, we wouldn’t worry and we wouldn’t hold ourselves back in any way. Guess where a lot of our fears live? Yep, in our subconscious minds.

So what are you afraid of? And fear can be pretty sneaky and disguise itself in many ways so look closely. Fears can seem pretty darn powerful. When you are in the grip of fear, it feels really really real, even if you know better, even if it doesn’t make logical sense. And when we are stuck in fear, it often feels like there is no way out. But there is.

Let yourself feel it. Don’t ignore it. Don’t stuff it down. It doesn’t go away when you do that. It silently pulls your strings in the background. You aren’t free from it.

Acknowledge the fear, look it in the face, feel it and be with it. Don’t judge it or judge yourself for feeling it. Just experience the sensations of it and watch it. Don’t make it mean something. Just let it move through you. It is amazing how quickly it will move through you and dissipate when you don’t resist it or get in its way.

Once you are on the other side of it, you can look at it if you want and see that the fear isn’t real in the first place (False Experiences Appearing Real) or you can just get on with taking steps forward.

It is a simple process and yet not easy. We are taught to fear our fears, to avoid them at all costs. Don’t admit your fears or you are weak. And the biggest fear of all is, if I admit my fear and allow myself to feel it, that I won’t come out of it and I will be paralyzed, stuck. The truth is that never happens if you don’t resist it or get in its way. I have guided many people through this process because it can feel very unsafe and people often lose their way. This isn’t something you have to do alone. You are capable of it and you can but you don’t have to.

With the fear out of the way, there is no need for worry/stress, no need for our nervous systems to go into fight or flight. We can proceed in a calm, centred state where our brains work better and where solutions are discovered. It feels a lot better and is easier to move forward.

Fear is a really good distraction by our Egos from getting on with what we are here to do. We are here to be the gift that we are, to create and enjoy life. Life is about moving forward, not being stuck in fear.

Now you may be asking, can I feel the fear, not get rid of it and still move forward? Feel the fear and do it anyway? You bet and that’s what I have been playing with lately, expanding my capacity to be with the discomfort of fear and still do my thing. It definitely is a muscle that requires exercising and it is a faster way to move forward. You don’t even need to know what the fear is or where it came from. Knowing that gives the mind peace but it isn’t necessary. But I will tell you that it is uncomfortable and where I started first was allowing myself to fully feel fear first and then take steps once the fear dissipated. It wasn’t as quick but it felt better.

So both ways are absolutely possible and you get to choose. You do not have to be ruled by your fears and you do have the power to move forward inspite of them. As always, I am hear to be of assistance if this is something you desire support with.

So circling back to stress. Feeling stressed is indeed optional and you can choose to live in stress mode (survival mode) or to live free of fears/stress that hold you back. You get to choose. Ask for support and begin freeing yourself today.

Much love,

Glenda

Waking up to a frosty morning this morning reminded me that summer is most definitely over and fall has taken the reigns. Where has September gone? It isn’t a surprise that September has come and gone because it is always a busy time in our family with back to school, kids’ activities starting up, business licence renewal, 4 birthdays and our wedding anniversary.

And yes, I overdid it and got sick. That seems to be my M.O.. When I get too caught up in the to do list and stop listening to my body, I get sidelined so that I have to look after myself. Thank you Body!

Ideally the best scenario is to not get sick at all. I mean, who likes feeling crappy? Not this gal. So prevention is definitely the best line of action, without a doubt. But that is for another day. I want to discuss what to do when you are feeling like pulling the covers up over your head and hibernating. I moved through this last bout of “sickness” very quickly and with a lot more ease than in the past and I want to share some of the things I did differently this time.
I am not going to talk about all the other ways to help ourselves such as drinking lots of fluids, eating nutritious food, taking supplements, essential oils etc. cause you know all that stuff. I’m more interested today in talking about some different aspects of healing that you may not have considered.

This first point is a no brainer. REST. I realize I’m not telling you something you don’t already know. Sleep and rest are how our bodies repair and regenerate. But what you may not be aware of is that how you rest is a big part of your recovery.

Do you rest, fully accepting where you are at, dropping your agenda of all the things you were supposed to do, and giving yourself what you need?

OR

Do you resist the fact that you aren’t feeling well, still try to get some things on the list done with the occasional nap here and there, willing yourself to get through the day to the time when you can collapse in bed once the stuff gets done?

OR

Do you actually rest because you have to, because you feel so crappy but you are beating yourself up for being sick and not doing all the things and feeling guilty for someone else having to pick up the slack?

Which scenario do you think is most supportive of getting better faster?

Now, I get there are some exceptions to the rule because life happens and sometimes we just have to show up, sick and all. But what I invite you to do, is look at what your pattern is when you aren’t feeling well.

For all you Mommas, are you still trying to run the household and the family from your bed? Or are you letting your partner do that? I promise you, the house will not fall apart and your kids will survive without you. Your partner is fully capable whether you believe that or not. So when you are sick, let go of all the shoulds, have tos and musts and just rest.

I spent an entire day in bed, letting my hubby look after everything and I think it was a big part of why I recovered so quickly. You may receive some backlash if your family is used to you doing everything but don’t let that get you out of bed. It’s actually a win all around if you honour yourself and get the rest you need.

And if you aren’t in a position where you can delegate, throw away the to do list as much as you can and only stick with necessities. That does not mean housework. Your house will not fall down if left to its own devices for a few days.

The next point is about medicine. I’m not a big fan of taking medicines such as decongestives etc. I know my body can heal itself without the help of pharmaceuticals so I avoid them as much as I can. My medicine of choice is energy medicine.

There are a lot of different types of energy medicine but I will share what I used that I really feel made a difference. Everything is energy, including our bodies. They are made of energy and energy runs through our bodies along different channels. Being a practitioner of Chinese Medical Acupuncture, the channels I use are the meridian system and acupuncture points on the body to help myself recover. Sometimes I needle myself and sometimes I tap certain points. Tapping is something you can do lying in bed and doesn’t require a lot of energy to do. So as I was resting in bed, I tapped 4 different acupuncture points several times during the day. You can use EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and go through all the points along with voicing how you are feeling and what you are thinking, which is a great practice in itself, or you can just tap a few points.

The ones I used this time are from Donna Eden, an amazing energy practitioner. She calls them The Four Thumps and they help boost your immune system, balance your blood chemistry and electrolytes and reduce toxins and stress.

You start tapping or thumping beneath your cheekbones, next to your nose (LI 20), for 15 seconds. Then move to Kidney 27 points which are just below the medial ends of your collar bones and thump firmly for 15 secs. Then thump the centre of your sternum over your thymus for the same time. Finish with thumping on the neurolymphatic spleen points that are beneath the breasts and down one rib. These points are often tender, meaning that the thumping or tapping can help release toxins in clogged areas. Watch the video below to see a demonstration.

While I didn’t have a lot of energy to be out of bed, this was something I could do while I was resting to get energy moving through my body to help it heal.

Another thing I did while laying in bed was deep breathing. Our lymphatic system which drains fluid from the blood vessels, doesn’t have a pump. It is reliant on contraction of our muscles for fluid flow. So even though I wasn’t moving much while lying in bed, I could use deep breathing as a way to affect the lymphatic flow in my torso. Not only did it help my lymphatics, I felt more relaxed which helped me rest even more.

So after a day of a head that felt like it weighed a ton of bricks, I woke up the next morning surprised to feel way less congested in my head. I also had energy to get out of bed and start moving a little.

Knowing that moving the body is so important for healing, I got on my yoga mat, snotty nose and all. I wore my comfy cosy clothes, had my tea and kleenex box close by, turned on Youtube and had a date with Adriene. Yoga with Adriene is amazing. She has a video for everything, including Yoga for when you are sick! You can check it out here. She takes you gently through a restorative yoga practice which feels really good, especially after lying in bed for a while. And if you know about yoga, it not only addresses your physical body, but it also promotes energy flow which enhances your healing.

Now to be clear, I didn’t really want to get my ass on the yoga mat. I still wanted to stay in a fetal position and watch Netflix but I knew how much it would help me, and it did. No one really wants to do the things that help us the most or we would do them all the time, wouldn’t we? So don’t listen to your ego trying to talk you into self sabotaging behaviour feeling sorry for yourself. You ain’t no victim!

You now have a few more items in your “navigating colds and flus” tool box. Like any tool, they can’t help you unless you pull them out of your tool box and use them. Do the things you know will help you heal and you’ll find yourself feeling better faster.

Until next time,

Much love,

Glenda

My ten year wedding anniversary is today. Wow! What a ride it has been.

About a year ago, I wrote a blog post called How I Manifested My Husband. If you’d like to read it, click here. This post, in particular, was one that I received a lot of feedback from so in honour of Tom and I celebrating 10 years of marriage, I thought I would write a sequel, a part 2.

Relationships require commitment, not only to each other but to keep growing and evolving as individuals and as partners. There have been times of flow and grace and times that have been difficult and felt hard.

Our mantra is “there is no back door” meaning there is no escape route from our relationship. We are in it for the long haul, which requires us to look at and own our own shit. It means being honest with and taking full responsibility for ourselves and our actions, no matter how much it may make us cringe.

Our wedding ceremony was a reflection of this. Each family member on both sides received a flower. At the beginning of the ceremony, they each put their flowers in a vase, one for Tom’s family and one for mine. In addition to their flowers, there was a rose signifying Tom and rose signifying me.

After the “I do’s”, the minister combined the flowers from each family into one vase saying that this was not just a marriage of two people but a coming together of two families. He left one rose in each of the vases and didn’t combine them with the other flowers.

What he said next has stayed with me over the past ten years. He said that even though we have become husband and wife and have made a commitment to one another, we are still two individuals within the relationship and to stay true to who we are.

There is Tom. There is me. And then there is Tom and me together.

In my past relationships, I lost sight of that. I would lose myself in the other person, trying to be what I thought they wanted me to be even if it went against my own values. I didn’t feel like I was enough being true to myself and so I morphed myself to please the other person. No wonder it never worked out. Thank goodness!

When Tom and I first got together, I was in a really really good place. I was taking such good care of myself on all levels. I was exercising, meditating, having a lot of fun and was very much in my heart. I believed that I would find my soul mate and was very hopeful.

I was not, however, attached to the outcome. In other words, I had made peace with the possibility that I might not find the relationship that I was desiring and yet, I could still have a very happy and fulfilling life. I was getting on with enjoying and truly living my life. I was in flow.

I wasn’t pining after some future love or regretting or rehashing one from the past. I wasn’t trying to “make it happen” or worrying about what if it never happened. I wasn’t waiting to meet “the one” before I became happy. I wasn’t trying to figure it all out and question why it hadn’t happened for me yet. There was no desperation about it even though I was in my late thirties with the so called clock ticking. To be clear, I had done all that stuff in the past but I had come to a place where I had let go of all those habits.

I truly liked myself and wasn’t willing to morph anymore. If someone didn’t like me the way I was, Oh well, not a good fit. My happiness and well being did not depend on finding my soul mate. I was already good. And that is how I magnetized Tom to me. Let me say that again. I was already good. It was easy and effortless and seemingly all fell into place.

So if there is a secret sauce to finding “the one”, that is it. It’s not all the goals I made or the list of characteristics I desired in a mate. It wasn’t from setting intentions or visualizing ad nausium.

It wasn’t about what I was doing. It was about who I had become, who I was being. Like attracts like and if you are desiring to attract someone with certain qualities, be those qualities. If you are desiring to be with someone that you love and are very happy with, then love yourself first and be happy. Be it. Create your own happy instead of waiting to find it in another.

I love the saying “Be the change you want to see”. It is so true. Be the love you want to receive. Be in your heart and create your life from that space. This applies to all of us, whether we are single or in relationships.

And if you want to have a vision of what you desire, go for it. But hold it loosely without expectations of what the outcome and the steps look like so you can remain open to receiving something even better than you can imagine.

We are absolutely meant to thrive. I was thriving, not in survival mode. And it is truly fascinating as I reflect back on our relationship at this 10 year mark, I am finding myself now moving towards thriving again. It’s been a 10 year journey from thriving and being in flow at the beginning of our marriage to being in survival mode and now full circling back to flow again.

What happened during the past 10 years that took me out of flow?As I became a wife and a mom and a coach, I let those identities and self imposed pressures of those roles take me out. It was all at a subconscious level of course, but it still was my creation. I’m not beating myself up for it because I have learned so much about myself because of that experience. It was all for me. And I am so grateful now for the awareness of what took me off course so that I can get on with redirecting myself back into flow and loving myself even more.

And through it all, my love for Tom has never wavered. Sure we’ve had disagreements. What couple doesn’t? But what got us through difficult moments is letting love win. And it is still winning.

Happy Ten Year Anniversary to my amazing husband who I truly love more and more with each passing day. May we keep letting love win for many many more years to come!

Much love,

Glenda

 

Saw the movie, Dunkirk, yesterday with my dad. My grandfather was on the beaches of Dunkirk during the second world war. He was in charge of an ambulance brigade and was one of the last men off the beach. It was such a chaotic and desperate time with so many fishing boats saving the men and then landing all over the southern coast of England. My grandfather’s family received the dreaded telegram saying that he was missing in action and presumed dead. You can imagine their surprise and relief when he walked through the front door the next day.

The movie brought me to tears as I watched the soldiers waiting to be evacuated, not knowing when the next bombing of the beach would be, whether they would live or die. They were in full on survival mode. No one will really know what that was like except the soldiers that were there and many of them, my granddad included, never spoke about it.

I realize this is a movie about what has happened in the past, but it shaped the lives of the generations to come, mine included. And it still goes on in this world in one form or another, wars between countries, wars within countries, wars between religions and races, all the way to fights within families. All of it about survival of the fittest. All of it steeped in fear. It hasn’t stopped and it won’t until we stop living from fear and start living from our hearts and have compassion for and understanding of our fellow human beings and ourselves.

This is my journey right now, returning to living from my heart and disentangling myself from all the protective mechanisms and patterns that have kept me safe (perceptively). It isn’t easy but is necessary for not only shifting the planet but for my own well being and my loved ones. And it is necessary for shifting from surviving life to thriving, from fear to love.

It is the work I am doing personally and the work I am doing with my clients. It is about being the change and not just paying lip service to it. I am by no means a master of it yet, as I am in and out of my protective patterns such as having to get it right, perfectionism, people pleasing, being responsible for others’ well being and happiness and constantly putting everyone else’s needs before my own, trying to “fix” myself and others because of a belief that we are broken and need fixing, and trying to control outcomes or people. They are protective patterns that I took on as a child. They are very well practised habits so it will take some practice to be who I really am instead without all the patterns. 

What I have found is that I am engaging in the patterns less and less with each day that I practise and I am allowing my heart to make more of my decisions instead of my ego’s protective mechanisms of fear.

I am noticing that this shift is resulting in changes in my body such as decreased muscle tension and pain, improved mobility, a calming of my nervous system so I am in fight or flight mode less and being able to calm myself quicker if I am revved up or in reaction mode.

I am able to be in the present moment more and enjoy the little things instead of always looking for more or trying to be more. There is more ease and flow and less pushing or striving. Life is coming to me instead of reaching for it with desperation.

And my relationships have deepened as I react less and respond instead with a desire to truly understand what is going on with another with compassion and acceptance. No not all of the time but much more than I used to.

And last but not least, I am fighting less. It wasn’t that I was fighting with other people so much as it was me fighting against life and myself. I was resisting what was showing up in my body, how I felt physically and emotionally because I didn’t like it and if fear got a good hold, the resistance was much stronger. Now I pay attention to what is coming up without judgement and with compassion and take the steps if called for.

I was resisting what showed up in my life if it wasn’t according to my preferences, if I didn’t like it. I would try to control it and change it so I would feel comfortable. Now I am less reactive as I realize it is all for me, even the stuff I really don’t like because it isn’t about feeling comfortable all the time. It’s about being able to dance with it all without being taken out by it.

So I am in the trenches doing the same work my clients are doing because I am committed to a life of thriving and living from my heart instead of protective mechanisms and fear making my choices. And it is so worth it. I truly desire to live my life free from the identities/roles and protection. They limit us and keep us in lack mentality instead of abundance where the miracle zone is. I’m up for some freedom and miracles. How about you?

Freedom starts with each of us. It is an inside-out job. If we are not free within ourselves, how can we expect to be free in the outer world? So how do I impact the world we are living in with all the fighting that is going on? I stop fighting within myself, live from my heart with love and compassion and embrace vulnerability and be who I really am instead of the identities I took on as a child. It’s a choice between living a safe life with walls around my heart or being willing to let the walls come down, feel all the feels and live with curiosity about what is possible. There is a ripple effect when even one person chooses to live a life of authenticity instead of safety. One person can make a difference and of course, more people can make more of a difference.

My questions for you today are: What is making your decisions for you? Is it your heart and the Truth of who you are or is it your Ego and your protective mechanisms? Are you surviving your life and just getting through your days, checking off the to do list or are you thriving and truly enjoying all of life? Ya know, just some light stuff to contemplate. 😉

I would love to hear what your protective mechanisms are. What patterns do you engage in to keep yourself comfortable and safe? It truly is powerful to know what they are and to write or speak them out loud. With awareness comes choice. And remember, we all have them so don’t judge yourself as you realize what they are. They have done the job they were meant to, keeping you safe (at least your ego thinks so:)).

Much love,

Glenda

 

I would not wish adrenal fatigue on anyone. Bottom line…it doesn’t feel good. It’s an exhaustion I have never felt before. It is anxiety that has made me feel like I am literally losing it at times. It is the opposite of feeling inspired in any way. And yet, it has brought me gifts that I would not exchange as they have changed me and how I live my life.

One of these precious gifts is slowing down. I didn’t see it as a gift at first at all. In fact, I resisted it tooth and nail. I didn’t have time to slow down. I have a husband, 2 kids, family and friends, a business, clients, a house and all the to dos that come with that. How the hell was I supposed to slow down?

Well, I did because I had to. The fatigue I was feeling didn’t give me a choice. I couldn’t imagine it getting any worse and yet, if I didn’t slow down and rest and give my body what she needed, it would have worsened. And quite frankly, I had no pick up and go to do all the to dos. The fatigue forced me to dial it way back and look after myself. So when I finally surrendered and accepted that I must slow down (yes it took a bit because my ego is quite stubborn!!!), I found myself not only feeling better physically but there was a sense of peace that came over me. So much of my energy had been caught up in the chase to be and do more that I was living with a feeling of desperation 24/7. Once I rested and gave myself what I needed, the desperation disappeared and was replaced by calmness.

The desperation didn’t disappear forever, however. It returned when I started to push again and look outside of myself for answers. My body lets me know when I am doing that again by a surge of fatigue and pain. I have a built in alarm system that tells me when I am out of alignment. So then I slow down again and stop the pushing, returning to the peace and energy that is inherent in me. This is what happens when you are creating a new habitual way of being. You slip back into your default (old habitual) way of being a lot until it happens less and less over time. I am grateful to know the signs when I am in my default patterning so then I can choose differently.

I just walked by my daughters’ school and read a sign that says “Slow Down. Lose a minute, not a life.” I realize that it is referring to driving slowly through the school area so that a child doesn’t get hit but it literally stopped in my tracks as it speaks to all of life. Not slowing down means that I lose out on so much goodness in my life, not to mention the detrimental effects it has on my body. Like the times I haven’t stopped doing the dishes or making supper to really listen to my girls or to greet Tom as he comes in the door. Nothing is more important than connecting with my family on a heart level. Nothing. I let go of my to do list on Saturday afternoon and took the girls to the park instead. Being outside in play was more important in that moment than chores. The chores could wait.

And in the slowing down, I’ve been able to access even more of myself. I am able to hear my inner wisdom speak to me and guide me. I am able to be in my heart more instead of controlling from my head. It has allowed my relationship with my loved ones and with myself to deepen and feel more fluid. There is an “isness” to things instead of a constant “doingness”. I am able to relax much more into the peace I feel.

To be clear, I am not sitting on my duff doing nothing all day. I still do things but it is the energy I am doing things with that is different. There isn’t the push or the desperation or the striving or reaching (at least not today;)). I am much more present with how my body is feeling and with the people I interact with. It feels like I am being more of me because more of me is in the present moment vs. chasing something in the future. I hope that makes sense. It is difficult to describe how I feel with words at times as it is more of an experience than anything else.

Another gift I have received is practising setting healthy boundaries for myself. I have become much better at saying “no”. If it isn’t a 10 out of 10 in priority or desire for me, I have been saying no. When your energy is low, it becomes a very precious commodity so all the extraneous activities have gone out the window. It hasn’t been easy as I love to connect with people and help when I can but you can’t give from an empty tank.

Because I haven’t had the energy to do all that I used to, I have also had to ask for more help. I have asked for help mostly from my family. It has meant asking our girls to pitch in more and help around the house. One thing to note about beginning to set boundaries, is that the people in your life are not likely going to like it at first. They are used to things being a certain way and they may rebel against any changes. So when you first set boundaries, you need to be firm and also have compassion for other people and yourself as you go through this transition. Do my girls like doing more chores? Hell no! And do they still complain? Hell yes! But they are doing it anyway. Not only does it help me but it is really helping them take pride in contributing to the family unit and foster a sense of independence, even if their little egos don’t like it.

In fact, a few weeks back, Sophia, my 7 yr old, asked if I could teach her how to do her laundry? Say what? It was fascinating that I felt resistance at first. Is she old enough? Will she do it right? Blah blah blah. Anyhoo, I took her through the steps and she wrote all of them down for both whites and colours and she did her own laundry from start to finish. She was so proud of herself and I was too. Win win, I’d say.

Now here’s a gift that even I have a hard time acknowledging and that is, not having it handled. I excel on having it all handled. I am really good at it so not having it handled doesn’t necessarily feel good. But what it has done for me, accepting that I don’t have it all handled and that it is ok, is that I am more honest and in my heart. I am having more vulnerable conversations with people in my life and allowing more love in. Having things handled was a way that I tried to prove I deserved love but it actually kept people out. What I see now is that I am loved whether I have things handled or not and the world will not end if all is not in order.

There are other gifts too but those are the biggies. My journey has included adrenal fatigue for my own learning and receiving. And it isn’t necessary to go through that in order to bring these changes into your life. You can slow down a little now. You can set healthy boundaries now. You can be more present and in deeper connection with your loved ones now. You can let go of having to have it all handled now. It doesn’t require your body breaking down in any way to make changes in your life. And if your body is speaking to you in a not so great way, I invite you to make the changes in your life before your body has to start shouting louder.

If you desire assistance in deciphering your body’s messages to allow healing to occur, it would be my joy and privilege to help you with that. Just reply to this email and let’s chat.

Much love,

Glenda