How are flow and values related?

Photos by Janelle Ivey

My wedding day truly was one of the happiest days of my life! There were many reasons why but one of them is that Tom and I were in a state of flow.

Everything leading up to the wedding, came together seamlessly without worry or stress. The first store I went to, I found my wedding dress. I bought my flowers from the first florist I met and we had our reception at the only place we looked at. And I loved them all!

I had people surrounding me whom I loved and loved me. I couldn’t stop smiling on our wedding day. The emphasis was on connection and fun, not on any obligations or “shoulds”.

Flow occurs when you are in alignment with your values, what is true for you and I believe that is why our wedding was so flowy (is that a word?).

Tom and I stayed true to what was important to us and let go of what was not, even if it ruffled some feathers or wasn’t according to expectations of others.

I love these pictures because they exemplify what is important to us and what is not.

I bought my shoes for $20 at Payless Shoes. I can hear some of you gasping but here’s the thing. Shoes don’t mean a lot to me. They never have.

Maybe it’s because growing up, my shoes consisted of soccer cleats, track shoes, running shoes, flip flops and ballet shoes. Who knows? But I would have rather spent the money on a great meal or a visit to the thermal baths on our honeymoon in Italy instead of on shoes that I likely wouldn’t wear much. So it wasn’t that I was being cheap. I just didn’t see the point in splurging for shoes that don’t have value for me.

Tom wore cycling socks on our wedding day. It was aligned with a sport that we both love and that he is truly passionate about. It is something we value in our lives so bringing it into our wedding day in the form of socks was fun and truly aligned.

About a month ago, I was in a low and crunchy state, definitely not in flow. When I had a look at what I was thinking, feeling and doing, guess what? None of it was aligned with what is truly important to me and what I know to be true for me. No wonder I was experiencing so much resistance!!!! Kind of the opposite of flow.

So now when I am not in flow, one of my go to questions is “Am I in alignment with my values, with what is important to me and what I know to be true?”. If the answer is “no”, then I re-connect with my values and make the changes that are necessary.

Just a little something to ponder if your days aren’t feeling very flowy:)

Much love,


Are you getting half-assed rest?

I did a FB live on this topic this week and wanted to share it with you because I think it is a topic that is quite common.

A few years back, I had the realization that I wasn’t receiving the rest that I could be getting. It wasn’t about how much rest I was getting. It was about how I was resting.

When I had adrenal fatigue, I knew logically that getting rest was imperative. I was sleeping 12 hours a night, having naps during the day and I was still tired. I wasn’t resting in the way that I needed to.

One of the reasons I wasn’t resting as well as I could is because of a belief I had. Because my pattern in the past had been pushing myself, overdoing and achieving to prove my worth, I believed that if I was not “doing” then I was being lazy.

So even though I was lying down resting because I know I needed to, I would still be thinking that I should be doing something. Taking time for myself and not checking off the to do list was not proving my value or worth. My value was attached to what I was doing instead of who I was being. That’s what I thought.

I wasn’t giving myself full on permission to rest. What I know now is that rest and rejuvenation are not a luxury. It’s not about working really really hard and then resting. It’s not about having to deserve it. They aren’t a luxury. They are a necessity.

It’s important to keep filling our tank and replenishing or we end up in resentment, burnout and not really giving a shit!

So even though I was resting my body, I hadn’t given myself full permission to and my mind kept thinking about what I should do instead. My body was resting but my mind wasn’t.

I was also not very present. If I was thinking about the past or worrying about the future, I was up in my head and not in the present moment. Presence is being in your body, being in tune with what is going on inside of you and allowing yourself to be quiet. That’s when we receive the messages from our innate body wisdom and we hear our soul and the divine speaking to us. It’s not when we are rushing around being busy.

True resting is giving yourself full permission to do so without judgement, being present in the moment allowing yourself to fully let go and resting both your body and your mind.

Half-assed rest is judging yourself for resting, thinking about what you should be doing instead and not being present in your body.

I notice that when I still engage in the habit of half-assed rest, I will be lying in bed resting my body but will still be on my phone. Nothing changes in how my body is feeling. There is a level of tension still in my body.

When I put my phone down, allow my mind to rest and just breathe, my body relaxes at a whole other level and I receive the rejuvenation deeply. If my mind is engaged, I’m not fully relaxing into my body.

Rest and multitasking do not mesh!

The benefits of giving yourself full permission to rest with presence are feeling more grounded, more connected, more centred, more peaceful and relaxed, more open to receive and your in your heart.

I don’t feel that with half-assed rest.

The invitation is to look at how you are resting. Are you getting half-assed rest? Maybe you aren’t resting at all. Without judging yourself, what small changes can you make so that you can receive rest that rejuvenates you deeply and fills your tank?

Much love,