Are you an all or nothing person? I am or at least that is a pattern of mine. I tend to be all in or all out. And if you don’t have this pattern, you probably know someone who does and this may shed some light and give you a deeper understanding of them.
I recently had a two week period where I was really busy. It was all good stuff but I was still tired afterwards. So I purposely dialled things back the week after, knowing I needed some down time.
Now you’d think that would be a time that I would rest and relax and enjoy myself. I did rest and I did relax but guess what?
I didn’t feel great.
I felt flat. I felt meh. My ego even convinced me that I was bored. It was yipping at me to go and do something, do something to feel inspired again.
And that is what I have done in the past, jumped into action to feel that high of giving it all, being all in.
Oh ya and let’s throw some judgement in the mix, judging myself for not doing, not feeling inspired, not doing the thing. Let’s resist the heck out of relaxing and recovering.
So during my meh week, I got my butt down for a walk in the ravine. It is my happy place and yet I was resistant to going. It was cold, -19 degrees C but so beautiful with a sunny blue sky and the recent snow looked gorgeous on the trees.
As I was walking, I was contemplating this pattern of mine. I heard woodpeckers pecking away at the trees and bold little squirrels and chickadees ran and flew around me. I let nature grab my attention and I kept walking.
At one point, I sat on a bench overlooking the creek with the sun in my face. I closed my eyes and sat still, listening to all the sounds.
And then it hit me. This all or nothing pattern of mine is actually how I work best. It’s how I function well. And instead of judging it and judging myself for not being able to operate well in between the all or nothing, maybe I should be embracing it and working with it.
I get inspired and serve and be busy for a bit and then I retreat and rest and recuperate until I am replenished to give again. While I am in the “all in” state, I can still be looking after myself and engage in self care so that I don’t get so depleted and when in my retreat phase, I can still do some things but have self care be the top priority.
I realize now that feeling Meh is my signal to engage in radical self care. It isn’t something to judge myself about or to let my ego convince me I need to jump into action instead. It’s a signal to relax and rejuvenate even more.
Being in a relaxed state is the state of receiving and this is what I have been robbing myself of by pushing myself instead of slowing down.
What I noticed when I was giving myself radical self care is that abundance kept showing up. After going to an evening yoga class, I discovered that I had been sent money. The next day after working in the morning with a client, I decided to lie down for a bit before taking my girls to dance class. When i got up, I discovered that more money had been sent to me. After being out in nature the next day, someone contacted me out of the blue who wanted to work with me. Hmm…me thinks there is a pattern here.
If we are constantly in the push, in the doing state, we aren’t able to receive the way we are in the down time of rest.
So the meh state is actually necessary and not just a luxury. It is a big part of the giving/receiving cycle.
And it is also where inspiration to create appears again.
As I was walking back through the ravine, I looked up and saw 3 beautiful woodpeckers, black and white with gorgeous red heads. I stopped and just stayed with them for a bit.
When I got home, I looked up the woodpecker animal totem meaning. It said many things but this is the line that grabbed me: “Woodpecker comes with the message that you have the foundation and it is now safe for you to follow your own rhythms.”
Thank you woodpeckers for your validation of my embracing my all or nothing pattern! Meh is now my friend, the friend who gently nudges me and says “Hey Glenda, time to give yourself what you need even more.” I sure do love making new friends:)
So Lovelies, if you have the all or nothing pattern, I invite you to fully embrace it and work with it instead of resisting it. Be fully in while looking after yourself when you are inspired and rest and have self care be your top priority when you are in down time. Both phases are important and necessary.