Something that I have discussed a lot in my writings and with my clients is the power of listening to and acting on your intuition. I don’t view connecting to your inner wisdom as a luxury or a tool that is nice to whip out every now and then but a practice that is vital to your wellbeing, wholeness and ultimately your happiness. The past few weeks for me have hit this point home on a personal level.
I had been humming and haing about making an appointment to see my dermatologist about a mole on my arm. To give you some background, I have been diagnosed with 2 melanomas (cancerous moles) in the past so I have a yearly full body check done. My appointment for this year is in September so I contemplated waiting until then. Every time I saw the mole in the mirror, I felt this nudge to get it checked but right away, my mind jumped in and said to wait until September. To top it all off, I had just been in to see my doctor the month before because a mole began to surface on the incision site of a prior melanoma. When I phoned the office, the nurse suggested I come in. It turned out to be nothing to be concerned about but I was feeling a bit ridiculous about making another appointment having just been in.
But I kept feeling the nudges so I swallowed my pride, listened to my intuition and made an appointment. That appointment was two weeks ago. My dermatologist and his resident looked at it and both didn’t think it was a melanoma but because I was quite insistent on having it removed, they acquiesced. One week later, I received a phone call. It was indeed a melanoma. We had caught it really early so there was no need for concern but he said “Thank goodness you came in and insisted that we remove it. I am shocked that it is a melanoma.” Two out of three of my melanomas have been pink which only happens 10-15% of the time. They didn’t even look like moles which makes them even harder to diagnose.
That day that I found out the news, I felt really off. Crazy energy was moving through my body and tears flowed several times. When I checked what emotions were accompanying the tears, I was really feeling gratitude and relief that my inner guidance had given me a message, that I had heard it and that I had acted on it. Melanoma is a nasty skin cancer that often doesn’t have great outcomes once it has spread. I was so grateful that I had caught it early.
That night, I lay on the couch and just let the energy move through me. I didn’t try to analyze or figure it out. I was just present with it. At one point, I felt an opening in my chest which I call a heart opening. It is difficult to describe but there was a lightness and expansiveness that happened along with a feeling of love. On my way to bed, I stopped at my office and picked up my Oracle cards that I love to use from time to time. They are a lot of fun and when I am faced with a decision or am dealing with something, I like to pull a card to see what guidance is there for me in that moment. So I felt drawn to pull a card while asking the Universe to help me choose the card that will give me a message regarding the reason for another melanoma diagnosis. The card I chose is called Sacred Journey. It spoke to the belief that life is both a physical and spiritual journey and that we are so much more that our physical realities. We are each characters in a play (life) and each play is designed for maximum dramatic effect or else it would be very boring. The line that struck a deep chord in me was “It is through our human drama we expand our understanding of love… Through drama, we come to understand how sacred life is”. I realized that this diagnosis was another reminder to connect me more to the love that is me, the truth of me, the essence of my soul and to give myself what I need.
The following days were still filled with tears but what came up for me was my human mortality. I have been through this before but never with a husband and daughters. I wasn’t playing a central role in any one’s life back then like I am now and it really impacted me. There was also a message of living in the now and not putting off the really important stuff in life, a reminder to be fully present with the people in my life and not let the busyness get in the way.
I had further surgery on my arm a few days ago to remove more tissue in the area to make sure the melanoma is completely gone. I was able to step into that process with acceptance and love and surrender. It went smoothly and I was quite calm through the surgery. My arm is feeling amazingly much better today and I am quite surprised by the mobility I have despite the 3 inch zipper.
So you may be saying to yourself, that it was just coincidence that I had the mole removed and that I am off my rocker and out in la la land. Maybe, but I have had too many experiences in my life now of listening to and acting from my intuition/inner guidance that I don’t believe it is just a coincidence. I believe that it is the many meditations I have done, including the ones that felt like crap and that I couldn’t connect in the way I wanted to with my essence, that allowed me to hear my intuition. I believe it is the many times I have listened to my intuition even when it made no sense and seemed crazy but gave me evidence that it was truth, that allowed me to hear my intuition this time. I believe it is the many moments when I caught myself worrying about the future or regretting the past and bringing myself back to the present moment that allowed me to hear my intuition. Was the practice, the crappy meditations, doing crazy things that made no sense and the willingness to be open to learning more about my true self worth it? You bet your ass it was!
My invitation to you is to get quiet and check in with yourself to see if there are nudges you have been feeling or a deep knowingness that you haven’t allowed yourself to accept. Fear stops us from doing this but the following truth is what has helped me move through the fear. Once we shine a light on the dark parts, the shadows in ourselves, the darkness disappears and an even greater light replaces it in our being. The dark parts, the pain or the tough experiences in life are the very portals to connecting more with the essence of our souls. Acknowledging the dark parts, embracing them and loving them is the path to wholeness, love and happiness. So if your intuition seems to be leading you towards pain or parts of you that you don’t want to look at, know that is safe and that there is lightness and peace waiting for you.